Go. Go. Go. (Because No Matter What, You Have to Try)

It's been over a year since I wrote a blog on here. It's amazing how fast time moves by. I'm not even sure what I'm planning to write about right now. Part of that may be because I'm sick with a cold and have brain fog, but I think part of it is that there is just too much going on that it's overwhelming and hard to focus on one particular idea.

On the home front, our son is two years old now. He's becoming such a wonderful and intelligent little boy. I couldn't be prouder. His vocabulary is still minimal but he at least has some useful words going for him: "go" seems to be his favorite go-to whenever he wants something. He gets behind me like I'm a train and says "go go go" to lead me wherever he wants to go. He also learned to say "no" a week after turning two. It's amazing how quickly that word happens! I'm particularly grateful he learned the word "bye" on his birthday. Albeit, he said it to a fountain at the Westlake Promenade, but he said it. At least now when our friends leave, he says "bye" instead of "go! go! go!".

Our son on the "go" during his two year photo shoot

Watching him every day reminds me of how carefree life could be. Yet, at the same time, it reminds me that no matter what age you are, things are never easy, and you always think it was easier when you were younger. But that's not really true, is it? No matter how small the situations we used to face seem to us, in comparison to what we're going through now, it was probably just as stressful at the time. When our son throws himself down on the floor over not getting anymore raisins (or a third apple for the day!), I'm sure, in that moment, it's the end of the world for him. It's the most stressful thing he's ever experienced in his life. The difference is, as a two year old, he throws his fit, he cries, and screams, and ten minutes later, he's forgotten about it. He's moved on. It happens time and time again, whether he's refused something or he gets rambunctious and runs straight into a wall accidentally (which he didn't even cry about and I still don't know how!).

The most notable time was when we first moved into our new house. It's two stories and our son had never dealt with stairs before. Our first full day in the house, he decided to try walking down the stairs. And he fell. My heart leaped from my chest in that moment. I caught him halfway down the stairs. He had a bump on his head. He cried. And yet, fifteen minutes later he was running around the house playing as usual and a half hour later, he was crawling back up and down the stairs without fear. (He hasn't tried to walk down since and has become very proficient on them!). I, on the other hand, still hold my breath, two months later, every time I watch him go near the stairs.

So, here's the real question.

At what age did we stop learning to move on? At what age did we decide we needed to stress all day long, otherwise we'd never find a solution for our problems? It happens subconsciously...and I'm sure there are people out there who know how to deal with their stress that this doesn't apply to. However, for the rest of us, I feel like we spend our days floundering going over the many missteps we took and pondering over how to correct them.

As a restaurant owner, I know this is a problem both my husband and I deal with. We spend days, weeks, months...at this point, years, trying to figure out reasons for anything that's gone wrong. Some days, like last night, we're busy. Not just busy. We were packed. But other days, it seems like the entire world is staying home. That may be the most confusing part of all. What makes people decide one night or one week to all come out but then spend days or weeks never coming by? Are we forgotten about? Is our menu not diverse enough? Does our aesthetics lack? Is our service not up to par? Do we need more advertising? How do locals still not know we exist after three years?

Going around from table to table, we constantly get praised on our restaurant. On how perfect everything is. But it often feels like we're still missing something, because if we truly were perfect, we should be busy all the time. Right?

My husband and I took a trip to New York City at the end of September for our anniversary vacation. Actually, we drove from Nashville to Niagra Falls to New York City, but that's a whole other story! The point is, our experience in NYC was eyeopening. At every restaurant we went to (even a 3.5 star Yelp rated restaurant...which is not the same as 3.5 star in Los Angeles) we had tasty food, gorgeous aesthetics, and impeccable service. Their service standards at a 3.5 star restaurant where better than most 4+ star restaurants in Los Angeles. From there, we experienced two Michelin star restaurants: The Musket Room (which is the only other New Zealand fine dining restaurant in the USA) and Le Bernardin, the top restaurant in NYC and voted #2 in the world. At The Musket Room, we dined in a rustic fine dining space, similar in size to our own but full of personality. It was inviting, intimate, and instantly set off romantic vibes in your head. Brick walls gave off the old New York vibe, completed with soffit lighting and rustic wood paneling on the ceiling. When we arrived, the host stood at a music stand by the entrance. Once seated, we were handed our custom menus for our set menu, complete with a wax seal. Our server was constantly waiting on us, bringing our wine pairings and explaining them to us. He was knowledgable and friendly. The food was delicious, and Gwith truly felt like he was back in New Zealand by some of the flavors that Matt Lambert showcased.

When we went to Le Bernardin, it was at a different level than we've ever experience in our entire life. Upon arrival, Gwith had to get a suit jacket because jackets are required inside the restaurant. We sat in the cocktail lounge, waiting for our table, and took a look at the cocktail list. Gwith quietly mentioned to me, "I don't have my glasses," as it's hard for him to read a menu without them. Low and behold, the host walks up next to him with a box of temporary reading glasses in three different prescriptions. Wow. Mind blown. After we ordered our cocktails, we were escorted to our table where I was provided a stool to set my purse on. The aesthetics were nice, with wood paneling and lighting accents throughout. I definitely preferred The Musket Room's rustic feel. Although the check was ironically higher at The Musket Room (albeit it's family owned so it makes complete sense!), it felt like anyone could dine there for a romantic evening out. Le Bernardin you could tell was meant for only the wealthiest of New York City. To clarify that statement though, the service was not snobbish in any way. It just felt like Chuck Bass's father could be at a nearby table having a billion dollar business meeting. (That's a Gossip Girl reference! My latest Netflix guilty pleasure after my son is asleep each night!) The service was exceptional. Our servers and bussers were friendly and the kitchen staff made certain to attend to all of my allergies. There was not a single misstep the entire meal and I am still dreaming about the tasting menu we experienced. I would dine here again in a heartbeat.

Dining at Le Bernardin in NYC

We left our trip with a new vision. What we want to achieve is not out of our reach. Our restaurant definitely needs some refurbishing...our outdoor patio has already been fixed up with an array of beautiful plants. We look at it now and think, "Wow. This was incredibly bare before. How did we not notice it?" We are in talks with a designer to redo our restaurant's interior. Change the lighting, bring a more rustic fine dining vibe, and all around give personality to our interior, so our aesthetics match our food. Our plates have all been upgraded to stoneware, leaving behind the outdated white plates. We have blankets arriving for cool winter nights on the patio and reading glasses for those who forgot their own, because it's the little things that wow us. And we want to wow you. We are also proud to announce we have an amazing new front of house manager, Jillian, coming on board to bring a level of service that we so far have only seen in NYC.

Aroha's new on site herb garden at our outdoor patio

The problem is, being cooped up at our own restaurant for three years, we've been unable to observe or keep up with what other fine dining establishments are doing. And to be completely honest, there is only one fine dining restaurant in Los Angeles that I can think of that provides even near the same level of service as NYC, and that's Ocean Prime in Beverly Hills. Their service is consistently wonderful no matter which city you're located in. All in all though, Los Angeles has yet to do what NYC is doing.

But we're going to change that. If we continue down the path that we're aiming towards, you should be getting a taste of the NYC treatment right here in Westlake Village, California.

Change is coming.

This whole experience has been a rollercoaster for us. It's exciting and it's terrifying all at once. I feel like we're constantly taking leaps of faith to achieve our dreams and constantly letting our fears hold us back. Some changes we made early on were for the wrong reasons. Out of fear. Changes like trying to offer prices that competed with a local chain restaurant. Prices that did not cover our food (imported, fresh, and organic!) and labor costs. Prices that made it impossible for us to ever reach a profit. Or trying to offer mainstream food items like a burger on our fine dining menu (what were we thinking?). It didn't bring any customers our way by riding on the coattails of our fears. However, the second we started trying to make the food we wanted to make, our restaurant already began to improve. And that food isn't even showcasing my husband's incredible talents. His stress and fear holds him back from trying creative and exciting new items, and yet, every time he does, we improve. The problem with being a restaurant owner is that you spend almost 90% of your time focused on fear. It keeps you from leaping for your goals and showing the world what you can do. Sometimes, it feels impossible. Most times, fear has the complete opposite effect and instead of propelling you to make improvements, it makes you lose focus and fall behind.

New dessert collaboration by Gwithyen Thomas and Custom Cupcakes By Sarah:

Sarah's Chocolate Implosion Cupcake

Maybe some people find it ludicrous to try over and over again. I'm sure some people would've thrown in the towel by now. I won't lie: there have been plenty of moments where it just feels easiest to give up. Most times though, instead of giving up, you just need to reach a little (or a lot) further. You need to put aside your fears and go all in. You need to get up from the floor, wipe your tears, and head back up the stairs because maybe next time, you won't fall down. Maybe next time, you'll get to exactly where you want to be, completely unscathed.

Don't stop dreaming. Don't stop believing. Don't stop reaching for your goals. Not until you know you've done everything in your power to try. Then, no matter what happens, you know you gave it your all and at the end of the day, isn't that what's most important? Leaving behind the what ifs and the I should'ves, and instead (using our son's favorite word to get what he wants),

GO for it.

I'm a Helmet Baby Mom!

It was ten weeks ago when we found out our little boy would have to be fitted for a helmet. In the months of physical therapy leading up to that decision, I kept thinking to myself, "His head will round out. He won't need a helmet. He'll be fine." Then the day came that his physical therapist said he should be evaluated. We waited a couple of weeks to first visit with his doctor. We were shocked when his doctor exclaimed something alongs the lines of, "Oh my god! Have you had him fitted for a helmet yet? His head shape is not right. This will not fix itself."

Bailey a week before his helmet fitting (Photo by Monkey & Peas Photography)

Devastated, I looked up photos of babies with helmets and sat in despair. I didn't want my baby wearing one of those. What would other people think? Would they think there was something wrong with him? Would they think that I did something wrong with him? That I somehow did something to him that caused him to wear a giant band around his head? My fears of being looked at like I was a bad mom were quickly flooding in.

Then came time for his appointment. We walked into the office, nervous about the events that were going to unfold. During his free evaluation, we kept being reminded about how imperfect his face was. How is eyes weren't symmetrical, how one ear was much farther back, how his head was protruding in various spots. On the drive home, my husband had to stop for a box of tissues because I couldn't stop crying. I don't think there's anything worse on this planet then hearing someone tell you how wrong your baby is.

His next appointment, I went with a brave face. I realized this had to happen and there was no choice. The appointment, however, nearly destroyed me. I had made my peace (as much as I could at the time!) with him wearing the helmet. However, when being measured for it, they had to take pictures of his head. To do this, they took a breathable netted fabric and pulled it over his head. The trauma of seeing his face like that still sends chills up and down my spine. He of course, wasn't bothered by it at all. He didn't care. He was his usual happy-go-lucky self, smiling away.

The day we arrived for him to be fitted, I sat in the car on the drive, mourning our cuddle times that would be undoubtably affected by his new helmet. I was sad over the pictures I'd have of him with a helmet on his head, not looking at all like himself. I was worried over if he would be bothered by wearing the helmet on his head. I sat there, fingers crossed that he wouldn't need to wear it too long. My husband, who was equally nervous but far more collected then me, tried to reassure me and calm my fears.

At the offices for his helmet fitting

When we arrived, we sat down in the room, waiting for them to bring the helmet in. My husband put Bailey into a toy car in the room and started riding him around. Bailey was so happy and having a wonderful time. After about five minutes, the woman came in with his helmet. She was a very nice lady, not at all like the other, more critical, people we had met on previous visits. As she fitted the helmet onto Bailey, I realized that nothing could ever take away my baby's adorableness and happiness. He was still the exact same baby I've always known and loved. Truthfully, I had built it up to be far worse than it is. He didn't even notice it was there as he climbed over my husband's lap and head dived onto the floor. He let out a cry, as his head hit the ground, almost as if he expected it to hurt. I say this because that was the last time he head dived with his helmet on and cried! The helmet has definitely had a wonderful bonus of protecting him while he learns new skills!

From the moment the helmet was put on his head, I felt relieved. Knowing that my fears were unfounded was a wonderful feeling. He was happy, he was still adorable, and even though I read stories that I wouldn't be able to cuddle him, I could still cuddle him as much as I always have.

A week after Bailey got his helmet!

It's been five and a half weeks since he first got his helmet and he is doing wonderfully. The weeks have zoomed by and he should only be wearing it for another month and a half at the most. Since he got the helmet, I've found that the majority of people actually know exactly what it is! On occasion, I have had to explain it to people, but it feels good to know I'm able to inform more people about what a baby helmet is for.

The first couple of days while Bailey adjusted to the helmet, he sweat like crazy and woke up back and forth throughout the night from some minor discomfort. For any other helmet baby mom's out there, just know that this did not last long! After the first week, he began sleeping through the night and has been sleeping from 8pm-8am most days. Of course, every baby's sleeping pattern is different, but rest assured, the helmet will not affect your baby's chances of sleeping through the night!

Bailey cuddling up to me during playtime

I'm not going to lie, I am looking forward to Bailey having his helmet removed. Not for any of the reasons I feared. However, the helmet sometimes tips into his eyes and I have to readjust constantly and feeding him his bottle can be quite a pain as the helmet is constantly sliding...to the point I've started just removing the helmet for those 10 minutes to make it easier on myself! I look forward to pulling clothes over his head without the extra step of taking the helmet off and putting it back on.

I know first hand how terrifying the process of getting your baby a helmet can be. The fear of judgement... But lets face it, as a new parent, it's easy to worry that people will judge your every move. The fear of thinking someone will tell you that you did something wrong is very real. But rest assured, while plenty of people judge about feeding jarred food vs. homemade food, breast feeding vs. bottle feeding, watching TV with your baby vs. keeping the TV always off, etc, very few people (if any!) are judging over the helmet. It's purpose is to help your baby's head shape correct itself. It may be purely cosmetic, but a irregular head shape can affect various things in their future, all the way down to wearing a pair of sunglasses one day!

If you are reading this because your baby will soon be wearing a helmet, I hope this helped you! Please know that there are other people with the same fears and worries as you. That we all get stressed over the idea of our baby wearing a helmet. However, just as my baby is okay, so will yours. And the good news is, you'll be just fine too.

The Aftermath (I Will No Longer Be a Victim)

I decided to write my last blog (read "The Untold Story of a Choice That Revealed Everything") with the knowledge that it would end all contact for me with those family members. Funny enough, all my blog did was talk about my true experiences and my personal feelings. But I knew. I knew that while they were okay with expressing their own feelings and their own versions constantly, that they wouldn't accept that my version was finally put out there. Interestingly, they then decided to end their relationship with my sister as well, who, while supported my decision to do what I needed to do for myself, wasn't even sure she shared the same sentiments as me, and who I made no mention of in my previous post.

My amazing family.

Maybe they wonder why I released it publicly? I can answer that very simply: every time our families have ever had a private conversation, we've been victimized and bullied. I wasn't going to stand for that anymore.

The best way to help yourself overcome a bully is to get support from others and to not live in the shadows.

That is why I decided to handle the situation the way I handled it. I refuse to be verbally attacked once again. I refuse to hear them voice their opinions while they never listen to me voice mine. I refuse to listen while they insult my family and myself. This was the only way my voice would ever be heard.

With my husband at San Diego
Comic Con for my former job.

I've never taken an opportunity like this one before. When my former boss bullied me and forced me to work 100 hour work weeks, which resulted in the carpal tunnel I now live with every day, I left my job, feeling guilty and apologetic. This boss constantly told me how weak I was, and I believed him. I let him demolish me every day as he tried to tear me away from my family. He would spend his days belittling my work ethic and telling me I was immature for wanting a weekend off, even after working 16 hour days for two weeks straight (all while he refused to pay me overtime). He would also tell me not to speak to my husband about my stresses, and make scathing comments about my other family members behind their back. At the time though, I couldn't stand up. I couldn't say to him, "This is wrong." He tried to break apart my family and constantly criticized how close we were, and yet, I couldn't defend them. And that made me feel terrible. I've lived with the guilt of that for some time. Never standing tall and never saying, "I've had enough." I let him bully me until I was too weak to believe in myself and those I care so deeply about.

Surround yourself with the people who
love you.

When you're mentally bullied, you constantly expose yourself until there's nothing left.

It's a long process that sometimes isn't even obvious to the person being bullied, until it's too late. But the fact is, it's every bit as dangerous as being abused physically. Some days, whether the abuse was from my former boss or my former relatives, I would find it hard to get out of bed. They all made me feel worthless, despite how many other people in my life care about me.

Over the years, I was constantly reminded of how unimportant I was to these people. Every time I heard that my grandparents would take an hour and twenty minute drive to Malibu regularly for a charity, or a four hour drive to Las Vegas, it drove a dagger through my heart. Why was it that anytime my family invited them to visit they would constantly complain about how long the hour and fifteen minute long drive was to visit us? And then if they did visit, they'd only be able to stay a couple of hours around lunchtime before claiming they had to head back before the traffic got bad? Yet, their last visit up this way, when we were given no notice and already had lunch plans (so therefore couldn't see them), they made sure to stay for dinner with a friend, only minutes from our house, and told us such after they returned home. Had we known they could stay in the valley past 3 PM, we would've made sure to see them after our lunch plans were done.

In some ways, I just got used to being treated as a granddaughter they felt obligated to see. However, as a new mother, I realized that I never wanted my son to grow up feeling the same way. The last time my grandparents visited, my grandfather turned to my mom, while standing in front of me, and said, "It was special having grandchildren. But there's nothing special about having a great-grandchild."

Nothing special.

The bond between my son and his
amazing grandparents is what every child
should have. (Pictured: My father and my son)

How on Earth could he possibly say that? My son means absolutely everything to me and to hear my grandfather, who I diluted myself into thinking loved me, say that my child was "nothing special", absolutely killed me.

Already, they had tried to take a piece of my incredibly special relationship with my husband away from me. I will never let them touch my relationship with my son. Never.

For once in my life, I finally decided to say, "Enough." I finally decided that I wouldn't let others affect my emotional stability or the emotional stability of those I care about. I've done it for far too long and I'm done with it now.

Stand up for yourself. Believe in yourself.

Whether it's a boss, family, "friends", or some random acquaintance, don't let them demolish who you are. You are worth so much more than that.

The Untold Story of a Choice That Revealed Everything

It was less than 5 years ago that I was sitting around the kitchen table trying to figure out who to invite to my small wedding. There were people who I knew had to be there. My best friend who lived in Virginia at the time was one of them. I hadn't seen her since 5th grade but we emailed almost weekly (or monthly as our lives got busier) ever since. Some family members like my grandparents were an obvious certainty. Then came the time to cut the list. 

Who did I want to be there? Who did I think would care to be there?

As I sat there, I thought back to the previous 17 years of my life since my family had moved to Colorado. Which family members had I talked to? Which family members had constantly tried to remain in contact with me? The answer? Almost none of them. It suddenly dawned on me that in 17 years, not one of them had even walked in our front door. Yet in the early years after moving, my family would always visit California to visit them. The reverse though...no. That never happened. In large part, that's why my family stopped visiting as I grew up. They felt the effort was never being made on the other end. Happy birthday phone calls and cards never existed nor did just an occasional chat to check in.

At the age of 3, you don't choose who's in your life. They choose you and by the time you're old enough to make your own decisions, it's nearly impossible that you'll think about these people as more than a name.

So when I sat down and contemplated who to invite, I created a category in my mind for relatives closest on the family tree that I wish I had gotten to know. These were the people I'd seen occasionally when my family would visit. This cutoff led me to not invite a family member and his wife that I had only remembered briefly meeting twice. There was nothing malicious about my decision. I honestly didn't see why this person would even care to be at my wedding. They had never contacted me before...so why would it matter now?

Looking back, I sometimes wish I didn't even invite some of the family members from this side of the family that I had, at the time, wished to get to know. There's one I'm still glad I invited. Throughout her preteen and teenage years, she'd message me to chat and constantly talk about wanting to visit. I'm sure she had no idea, but this meant so much to me. In a world where I thought the majority of my relatives didn't care, she was the only one who was constantly trying to reach out. I still wish I'd get a chance to know her, but sadly, it seems unlikely now.

After I sent off the invites, it was only a matter of days until the outrage began. I received the first email from my uncle (probably in my entire lifetime), telling me that I was an inconsiderate person and that I was lying about only inviting relatives I had been in contact with. He then called out the names of two relatives that were invited that he presumed I didn't speak to. Funny enough, these more "distant" relatives in his eyes, had visited multiple times in the recent years and emailed us back and forth. But looking back, maybe I was being a hypocrite. Not for inviting these "distant" relatives, but for inviting my uncle in the first place. After all, how much had I seen him either? A few more times I suppose then the relative that didn't make the cut off, but not by much. 

How much had he ever tried to get to know me when I was a child? Not at all. For some reason at the time though, it somehow seemed important to me to get to know my uncle.

Ironically, through this battle amongst the family, the only person who never spoke out was the uninvited relative. He was going on a cruise during my wedding and I hope he had a blast. I'd much rather that he be somewhere enjoying himself than at the wedding of a stranger. Sending him an invite would have only made it seem like I wanted a gift... And why should I get one from someone I don't know? I shouldn't.

It's five years later and the drama this unraveled still looms in the air. Every year for my anniversary, I try to no end to make it special because my grandparents and my uncles took away a piece of my wedding day that I'll never get back. They made the memory a tainted one. I'm sure some of them may even be smiling knowing that. "She deserves it." "It was her choice." But it wasn't. It was never my choice to be dumped by my family when I moved states at 3 years old. It was never my choice to not hear from any of you. It was never my choice to be ignored because of whatever underlying issues that were within the family.

About half a year after my wedding, I visited my grandparents, who were still angry about my decision. As I tried to explain how I was feeling, my grandmother interrupted me saying that she should never have walked down the aisle at my wedding. In a moment of rage, I responded with profanity that I rarely use and stormed out of the house in tears. It was so special to me to have my grandparents walk down the aisle at my wedding, and to know that it wasn't special to her, was as big of an insult as when my other already deceased grandmother told me at 12 that she wouldn't love me anymore if I married out of the family religion.

Once again, I was being told that this love wasn't unconditional.

Why was it my responsibility to have relationships with family members that never wanted one with me? Why was no one mad at them? Why was I always the villain? These questions pour through my head almost daily as I try to wrap my head around the most obvious answer. That they never truly loved me wholeheartedly.

After about a year passed, I decided to see my grandparents again. When I was 14, I chose to cut my other grandmother out of my life for the pain she caused me. I did not want to do it again. As we began to make amends, or so it seemed, I tried to move on. My husband and I began to do our best to go to family functions, such as my grandmother's birthday party and my grandparents anniversary party.

Then in the Spring of 2014, while on an early anniversary vacation with my husband in Europe, I received an incredibly hurtful email from a cousin of mine telling me that I was "self centered", that my husband was "fake and rude", and that I was "unwelcome into [her] life and the family as a whole." Somehow I was being yelled at for the conversation I had with my grandmother two years before. I was being told how much I hurt our grandmother and that if we all wanted to be a family again, I needed to apologize to everyone. Apologize for responding to a very hurtful remark that I never received an apology for either. The real question though is, when were we a family in the first place?

In my eyes, family is about being supportive and understanding. It's about communication, mutual love and respect. Family is not about ignoring people and attacking them for their own decisions, especially when you've never been a part of their lives in the first place.

The saddest part to me through all of this is that there is still a cousin or two of mine that I wish I could get to know. They've never responded to the drama but at the same time, I know it's a hard place for them to be in. And I respect that fully.

At the end of the day, all I can do is let this experience be in the past. It taught me what family truly means and what I want and who I want in my life, my husband's life, and my son's life.

Surround yourself with the people who always cared about you, effortlessly and unconditionally.

The other people are merely names that will eventually fade away as they distance themselves further and further. Don't let one stranger's opinion affect how you see yourself and don't second guess your gut feelings and your choices. You made them for a reason and the truth is, people will show their true colors over time.

I'm grateful that my son is growing up with already more support and love from here to New Zealand than I ever had. Already, he has grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins who speak to him almost every day, even if it's a Skype call from across the ocean. He couldn't have asked for a better family unit and I will continue to do my best to surround him with those who I know truly care.

Read my follow up story: "The Aftermath (I Will No Longer Be a Victim)"

The Rollercoaster of Confidence

It's hard to believe that it's been two years since we began putting together our plans and searching for the location for our very first restaurant, Aroha. Ever since that moment, we have learned a lot. About customer service, about management, about life in general. To say it's been easy would be a lie. Some days, I close my eyes and imagine what life would be like if we had never chosen this path. But honestly, as tough as it is, I could never wish for anything different than what I have. Somedays, I feel like I could crumble under all of the pressure but in the end I know, these experiences are only making me stronger.

Gwith and I in 2014 after signing the lease for Aroha

It's hard owning something that you care so deeply about, especially when you have the occasional diner who never gives you a chance. When we designed our restaurant, we wanted to create an intimate and romantic environment that would make our customers feel welcome every day. We had a limited amount of space in the building and we did our best to accomplish our goals. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't crushed every time I read an occasional review saying our interior looks like a cheap Denny's. Our interior was incredibly costly from our standpoint and we've tried our hardest to make it beautiful. I guess, for me, the hardest part is knowing that I came up with the design. On slow days, I can't help but blame myself thinking that I should've done something differently. That maybe, even as we're constantly growing, I'm the reason we're not packed every minute.

Aroha Interior at night

I know. It's silly. Especially when realizing that other times, customers walk in and compare our interior to sitting inside a magical jewel box. I guess at the end of the day, you just can't please every one. It's crazy how for every 100 great reviews, even seeing one bad one, can be crushing. When we run an ad on Facebook to try to increase our customer base and one person takes to it to say "I was unimpressed", they don't realize the potential effect that their response could be having on not just our business, but our family and our livelihood. I know. As an adult and a business owner, it should just be understood that this is life. People criticize and judge and it's our job to be strong enough to not let it affect us and our mindset. But why should the feeling of being knocked down just be understood? Can't people be supportive? My whole life I've dealt with people who just try to bring you down. From extended family members, to teachers, to bosses, and I just can't for the life of me understand why people need to destroy others to make themselves feel more important. When did people learn to have such a negative mindset?

Yesterday, I heard a story about a family friend's daughter who is beginning to have the same struggles at my former high school as I did. She was out sick for a few days before finals and was badgered by two teachers for being absent. She's a smart girl with straight A's but she's losing her confidence because these teachers feel the need to bring her down. When I went through these same experiences, I chose to drop out (read my blog, Confessions from a High School Drop-Out). No longer did I feel smart, confident, or capable. I lost all hope in my abilities and it's a struggle I deal with every day. It's nine years later and no matter how many things I accomplish, I still live with this shadow over my head. A shadow that I'm constantly trying to leave behind. But every once in a while when I think it's gone, it looms over me again. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to those days and tell these teachers that what they're doing is wrong. People are so focused on teaching children not to bully, but what about adults? I was never physically beaten up in school but I can't even begin to count the amount of times I've been mentally beaten by various adults in my life. From being told by relatives that I'm a "selfish bitch" and "not welcome in the family" for the decision to not invite someone to my small wedding who by all accounts was a stranger to me (read my blog, The Untold Story of a Choice that Revealed Everything), to being told by my Grandmother when I was 12 years old that if I married out of my religion, she would no longer love me, to being told by a school teacher that I would never amount to anything in life because I had health problems, and to being told by a boss that I wasn't working hard enough even after working 90 to 100 hour weeks.

Our wedding in my childhood backyard

I will never understand why people just can't be supportive. When I think that this is the world my son is going to grow up in, all I can hope is that I can do my best to surround him with people that care for him and teach him what's right and wrong. I want him to know more than anything that he is a strong, confident, and capable person that can accomplish anything. What worries me is knowing that my parents taught me this every day too...but at the end of the day, there were too many other people out there letting me know how much of a failure I was in there eyes.

Our son Bailey and I

So please, to anyone who's reading this blog, don't let this be you. Today (and everyday), remember to tell people, whether it's the bagger at the grocery store, an employee of yours, a family member, a friend, a co-worker, your boss, or just someone you casually strike up a conversation with, that they're doing a wonderful job... And before you criticize someone for not working hard enough or not satisfying your expectations, think about the effect that you're creating on their life and their mental mindset. Maybe there's another way to help them without knocking them down. Maybe all they need is to have a someone, even a stranger, make them smile, because maybe too many have already made them cry.

When I have a customer who tells me how much they love their experience at the restaurant and how welcome they feel, it helps get me through the hardest of days. Each time I feel like giving up, I hear these customers and it rejuvenates me to keep on trying. It's this mindset that helps me, my husband, and our employees continue to strive to provide the best service possible.

Thank you all for reading.

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30990 Russell Ranch Rd Unit C, Westlake Village, CA 91362
© 2015 Aroha Restaurant.

Aroha's New Years Eve Menu & Our Special Announcement!

I can't believe in just a few weeks 2015 will be coming to a close! This past year has been such a life changing experience for both my husband and I and I truly can't believe how far we have come.

We are so thankful for the amazing customers we've had so far at Aroha. There are so many large corporate owned restaurants that we compete with daily and as a small family owned restaurant, we are beyond grateful to those of you who continue to spread the word about us and support our small business and family! We look forward to providing you with more quality food and service as we continue to grow in the Westlake Village community.

As for Aroha's New Years Eve plans...we have just released our six course 2016 Countdown Menu which offers many of my husband's most delicious dishes including the New Zealand Venison Loin with cherry gel, vanilla parsnip, pistachio, and micro licorice greens; Ceviche of Tua Tua Cloudy Bay Clams with lime, cilantro, chili, and tomato; and Jelly Tip Ice Cream with fresh berry jello, mixed berries, and house made vanilla ice cream encased in chocolate! If you would like to view the entire menu (as well as the wine pairings!), click here. We are proud to say our Countdown Menu is 100% gluten free/gluten free optional. We will also have separate available menu options for vegetarians dining with us, and, as always, if you have any specific allergies, we are happy to make changes to the dishes to meet your needs!

We will also be offering some giveaways throughout the evening, including $100 gift certificates and bottles of wines!

We hope all of you are having a wonderful holiday season thus far and look forward to spending New Years Eve with you!

Reserve Now For New Years Eve at Aroha

On another exciting note, I would like to officially announce, with a photo and short video, the arrival of our baby boy, Bailey! He arrived in this world on October 17th and Gwith and I have been soaking up every second since.

Throughout the nine months of my pregnancy, I wrote a song for Bailey and I sang it almost every day. I'm happy to say that since he's been born, it almost always relaxes him and puts him to sleep! The video below features both the song and footage of Bailey shortly after he was born! Enjoy! ("Hey Little Baby" by Justine Thomas is available on iTunes.)

Once again, thank you everyone for your support! It means the world to us!

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30990 Russell Ranch Rd Unit C, Westlake Village, CA 91362
© 2015 Aroha Restaurant.

Our Aroha Summer & What's New on the Home Front!

Since we opened Aroha last September, our main goal was to build our customer base gradually while we learned the ropes of running a restaurant and made connections locally with the various newspapers. It was a tough experience to originally open so close to the winter months with little advertising when most people aren't in the mood to go out, and especially to try something new!

This summer though, we felt our staff and restaurant were ready for a big launch! I think the most important thing we've learned through the restaurant is that there will always be hiccups in any business. Nothing will ever be 100% perfect but timing is definitely everything. While we may still have an off day (who doesn't, right??), we now know how to work with the staff to improve any issues a lot faster.

After nearly a year of trying to begin valet parking for our restaurant, we were ecstatic in July to finally begin and thus have enough customer parking available to launch our full advertising campaign with confidence!! In the past month, we've been heavily pushing our name out on Facebook, running ads in 805 Living, The Acorn, and Beyond the Acorn. The Acorn has been fabulous to our restaurant and wrote both a review for their newspaper and an article for their magazine, discussing my husband and I.

Read the full article for Beyond the Acorn here

We've got some exciting things coming up at the restaurant in the next two months, including a new and much more extensive wine list beginning at the end of next week, an extended happy hour menu, and I'm sure my husband has a few new dishes up his sleeve! We've already added some new additions to our brunch menu and a couple new seafood salads to the lunch menu! Be sure to come in for Sunday Brunch soon to try our brand new Blueberry and House made Ricotta Pancakes, House Cured Ora King Salmon, Blackberry and Granny Smith Apple Oatmeal, and of course, New Zealand Venison Sausage (view the menu here)!

It's been exciting to see our numbers begin to jump and we are so grateful for all of the support from the community! The most challenging part is making sure my husband is there for all of the busy times now, which is a great problem to have, of course, but the timing of everything couldn't be crazier! While the restaurant continues to grow, so does my belly! With our baby due in October, Gwith has been a real trooper trying to balance everything. Every morning, he wakes up at 6 am to help me and my growing belly out of bed, before heading back to sleep (or to the supermarket if I'm craving something!) and then heading to the restaurant and returning home at 10 at night...of course, if he's not at the restaurant (he's pretty much always on the phone for the behind the scenes work though!) you can guarantee he's either at a prenatal appointment with me or organizing the house in preparation for our baby! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't in nesting mode right now and going completely crazy wanting everything to be perfect! I'm in awe of him everyday and how hard he works at home and at the restaurant for our growing family.

On the home front, we have had a busy week this week with not one, but two close friends flying in to stay with us for our baby shower on Monday! One friend is a close friend of Gwith's from New Zealand, Max, and the other is one of my best friends, Lisa, who I've only seen in person once since we were 10! We are so happy to have them both in town with us! So far, we've been taking Max to all of the "best" America has to offer. I say that sarcastically. For some reason, and Gwith was the exact same way originally, every visitor we have from New Zealand wants to go to places like Walmart and Taco Bell! No matter how much I try to convince them that we have much better quality stores and restaurants, apparently there is nothing more "American" than those places! Poor Max has been dying from the LA heat though! On Tuesday night, he arrived in the valley in pants and a long sleeve shirt. For anyone that lives here, you know how bad that is. That night, Gwith found him standing in front of our A/C vent, arms outstretched, trying to cool down. We're hoping to squeeze in a little time on Saturday or Sunday to show them around LA more, but we'll have to wait and see what Gwith's schedule is looking like at the restaurant.

I am so excited for our baby shower on Monday! As I've entered the third trimester, the past number of weeks have not been easy for me, so it's nice to look forward to something. When I say it hasn't been easy, I mean, our wonderful baby boy has been enjoying punching my hip and kicking my ribs at the same time, pretty much all day long. He's incredibly active, which is wonderful, but man, he must have Gwith's energy levels, because I swear, this baby never sleeps. My stomach is also getting pushed on more and it's getting much more challenging to eat! I am definitely looking forward to his arrival this October. Although, as a first time mom, I'm also terrified about the thought of labor. I've never done well with pain and I've always tried my hardest to avoid it...but this is one thing I can't seem to get out of! ;)

Our handsome baby boy as of July 15th (25 weeks!)

In other news, I've been writing a song for our baby boy since pretty much the day we found out I was pregnant! I am so excited for every one to hear it once he's born...it mentions his name in the chorus, so I can't post it yet...however, I may post a clip of a non spoiler part soon! :)

Anyways, hopefully I'll find the brain power to write again soon! I've been wanting to blog for a while but every time I sit at the computer, my pregnancy brain clicks on, and I can't remember a single thing to talk about. My brain must've been working a little bit better this morning! YAY! Maybe it will last another hour...or even the day??! That would be amazing!

Again, thank you everyone for your wonderful support at the restaurant and for the many congratulations on our upcoming bundle of joy! Every time a guest congratulates us, Gwith passes it on to me when he gets home. :)

Bonus photo of our bunny Willow napping because she's just so darn adorable!

Aroha Restaurant: One of The Best Days of Our Lives

Do you ever have one of those days you wish you could put on repeat? Yesterday was by far one of the best days of our lives. It started with hectic prep work, continued into an amazing function at the restaurant hosting the New Zealand Consulate General and his guests, and finished with possibly what will be the best surprise of our entire lives.

To begin with, we couldn't have asked for a better first trial run at the restaurant. The Consulate General, Leon Grice, and his 20 guests absolutely loved the menu we offered. While Gwith was busy working, I got the pleasure to dine at the table and hear all of the rave reviews. I heard everything from, "I usually never take pictures of my food but this is picture worthy," to "It's been such a long time since I had a memorable meal" and so many more compliments. Needless to say, every item we served was a huge hit, as well as our New Zealand wines. One lady wanted to know where she could get a bottle of our Sauvignon Blanc. Our sommelier had to let her know that as our wines are primarily from boutique wineries, most of our wines can only be found at our restaurant.

Us with Leon Grice and a few of his guests

Throughout the meal, we had at least thirty local customers walk up to the door asking if we were opened. We also started taking reservations this past week for our September 10th grand opening and our September 9th soft opening for locals. We're only seating 40 people for our soft opening and we are already 90% booked. I know everyone is dying to see the menu, and since I'm in such a good mood today, I'm going to release a couple more items! We have already announced some highlights on our website, but I'd love to mention two more items that we served yesterday.

Crispy Pork Belly with butternut puree, roasted feijoa, baby cress, and a vanilla-champagne dressing

Raspberry Creme Brûlée served with coconut and a raspberry-passionfruit sauce

This week, we also release a photo of Gwith's Venison Dish:

Award Winning Venison pan roasted with sweet potato, cherry compote, pistachio, and a vanilla parsnip purée

We will be releasing the full menu soon, but I have to say, I'm loving releasing teasers at the moment! It's exciting to give everyone an idea of what we're serving without giving too much away too soon. Before I move on to the next amazing part of the afternoon, I must thank the staff that we had on board yesterday: Noe Lopez (Sous Chef), Jordan Greig (Sommelier), Brian Smith (Shift Leader), Alan Treitman (Junior Line Cook), and Miguel Villalpando (Dishwasher). For a first trial run, everyone did an outstanding job and we couldn't be more excited to have you all on our team!

Shortly after the last guest left, my parents and sister stopped by to say hello. Little did we know, we were about to get the best surprise of our lives. As we're talking to them, Gwith received a call from his sister, Muirie, in New Zealand. He talked to her briefly and then the phone was passed around to me. As I'm talking to her, the phone suddenly cut out. A second later, I glance at the front door and Muirie is walking in with our niece Alex!!!! It's been 10 months since Gwith saw them last and over a year since I've seen them. We were expecting them out in a couple of weeks but they surprised us early. Gwith's expression was amazing. If things couldn't get any better though, just moments later, our brother-in-law, Marcus, and Gwith's brother Rohan, also came walking through the door! While we expected Muirie and Alex in a few weeks, we were told Marcus couldn't make it. As for Rohan, he's never been to the US since Gwith moved out here, so that was incredibly unexpected, to say the least. It's impossible to describe how amazing their surprise was. I'm still tearing up just writing about it. The fact that they came out here early to surprise us and show their love and support for us and the restaurant is indescribable. We couldn't be more grateful to have such an amazing family and so much aroha around us.

When my family first walked in, my sister came in with her camera. Frankly, Raishel loves to take pictures of EVERYTHING so Gwith and I didn't think anything of it. We are so grateful that she captured this amazing memory on video:

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30990 Russell Ranch Rd Unit C, Westlake Village, CA 91362
© 2014 Aroha Restaurant.

Aroha: Light Speed Ahead!

Big changes are now beginning at Aroha. During the week, our final permit was checked off, giving us the go ahead to continue and finish all of the construction! As of next week, we will be ordering our equipment.

Before the rest of the walls go up, we stopped by the restaurant with my parents and wrote our names on the inside of the wall, along with an "In loving memory..." for my grandpa and Gwith's mom. It's nice to know this will always be there, inside our restaurant. We are so grateful for all that Pa and Janet did for us and we know they would be proud. On another note, check out our beautiful artwork! Stick figure smiley faces and heart faces have been a long standing tradition in my family since as long as I can remember. It seemed only natural to draw them on the wall as well...and of course, we couldn't help but draw Willow too!

It's amazing how fast time has flown by. In just a few months, the place has gone from an empty space, to full framework, to plasterboards and soon enough, it will all be complete. It's crazy how in just a few days, the rest of the walls and the ceiling will be covered! Once it's finished, I will be posting photos of each of the steps!

This past week, Gwith and I finalized each of the menus and we are excited about our unique twists on a few Kiwi classics! We want to keep you guessing and in suspense until the restaurant opens, so we can't give anymore details beyond that. All I can say is though, the menu sounds delicious. We've also worked on plating styles (YES! I said we!). I'm still very excited that some of my styles will be at the restaurant. Honestly, since I'm not a chef, I didn't expect that. However, I sat down next to Gwith and started drawing some styles and he really liked them!

Other exciting news happened to us this week but we can't talk about it for another few weeks. It's incredible though and we are beyond flabbergasted about this opportunity!

Next week, Westlake Magazine hits local stores, offices, and hotels with our cover story! We can't wait to see what it looks like! If you live in an area that receives Westlake Magazine, be sure to check it out. If not, I think they also have an online version to view.

Time is moving fast now and in just a blink of an eye, we'll be opening. We are still expecting the first week of September but we'll officially announce a date as we get closer.

Switching topics from the restaurant, I'll give a short update too on one of our leisurely activities of the week! At the end of last week, my sister's fiancee, Miles, hosted an incredibly fun interactive murder mystery party! We searched the house for clues, trying to regain our memories, and figure out which one of us was the killer. The best part, however, had to be when Gwith, our friend Ben, and I were running around the backyard trying to escape being chased by a crazy person (aka my sister). When we heard a noise, Gwith ducked to the side of the house, hiding in the shadows, while Ben and I hid under a tree. Suddenly, we saw my dad walking by. Oddly, he looked straight at Ben and I, didn't see us, and continued to almost walk past Gwith too. Gwith, being the silly guy he is though, decided to jump out and scare my dad. Little did he know my dad was actually the killer of the evening! My dad taps Gwith, walks off, and Gwith sits on the ground. Ben and I came over to grab him, when he looks at us and says "I'm dead." Whoops. The rest of the evening, every time my dad tried to lure us away, we'd eye him and shake our heads. He had no idea we saw the whole thing go down! It was hilarious and way too much fun! Miles plans to eventually sell some of his murder mystery games. I will keep everyone updated on their availability in the future. They are great for parties and we may even host one at the restaurant someday!

Anyways, that's it for this week's update! Next week, the news and updates will be flowing as Aroha really begins to take shape! Tomorrow, I will be releasing Part 3 of my European Adventure blog, so please check it out when you get the chance!

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30990 Russell Ranch Rd Unit C, Westlake Village, CA 91362
© 2014 Aroha Restaurant.

Thank You, Pa and Athena for Helping Us Follow Our Dreams

I never imagined that at 23 years old I would be the owner of a restaurant and I know I can speak for Gwith when I say that he never expected to own a restaurant by 25 either. The trials and tribulations we've already been through to get to this point is amazing. We've learned a lot of lessons over the years about respect, management, and obstacles.

There's a lot of people who are incredibly excited for us, which means the world to us. We're incredibly busy too and we love every moment of it. There are only two frustrating things about being young and starting a business: the multiple comments about "it's a lot of hard work, are you sure you can do that?" and the implied comments about where the money is coming from. It's disappointing to hear people doubt that two young people are capable of starting and running a business.

It's true. We've been given an amazing opportunity at a young age that not everyone gets. However, this opportunity didn't come without pain and heartache. Two very supportive and loving people in our lives passed away during the same week last year. My grandfather and Gwith's mother. My grandfather, Pa, was always supportive of becoming your own employer and starting a business. He even opened his own bakery back in the day. When we talked to him about one day starting our own business, he would smile at us. He had full confidence that Gwith and I would be successful. Before Gwith's mother, Athena, passed away, the last thing she told Gwith was: "Be proud of yourself. Don't worry about me being proud of you, just be proud of yourself." We both can say with absolutely certainty that both of them are watching over us and smiling knowing that they're the reason we can follow our dreams.

Pa and I

 Pa taught me about life. He had countless stories and countless adventures to tell. From his time in the war, his time in the circus, his time as a baker, his time as lawyer, and the list goes on. He believed in working hard, following your heart, and smiled at any past misfortunes because they led him towards other adventures. He was one of the most compassionate people I've ever known and he had a confidence in his two children and each of his granddaughters that was indescribable. Shortly before he passed away, he was looking through an album my sister Raishel had made for him about his life. After looking through the album, he looked up with an incredible grin on his face and said, "I really did have a wonderful life." He taught me to have my own adventures, to work hard, and follow my dreams.

Gwith and his Mum, Athena

Athena always believed in Gwith. She never had many means but she always wanted to buy Gwith a quality chef's knife. I didn't know her very long but each time she talked to him, she lit up with pride. He told her last February that he and I were planning to open our own restaurant. Although she was already very ill, we could see in her eyes how proud she was. Her son had become the man she always knew he could be. She believed in standing up for who you are, being strong, and pursuing your goals. She never got the chance to buy Gwith his chef's knife but she gave him an opportunity so much greater than that in the end.

In life, age is only a number that changes every year; a number that marks different experiences and new adventures. There's no such thing as work that's too hard. If it's something you love and you're passionate about, you can achieve anything. The hours in the coming months may be long and they may be tedious, the stresses at times will undoubtedly make us crazy every once in a while, but at the end of the day, we'll be happy. When you're doing what you love and you're doing it for all of the right reasons, there's no reason you shouldn't be. Stress and sadness are both a part of life. They help us empathize with others and they eventually build our strength and our confidence. The key is, to understand which stressful experiences you can grow from and which stresses to back away from. Throughout our struggles, between employers, teachers, etc., we've both learned that the one stress we don't want is lack of respect. Respect is very important to us and unfortunately, many work places lack this very important aspect. Instead of being in a poorly run management scenario where the employees are taught to disrespect each other and push each other down, we want to be at the top of our business so we can teach each of our employees to respect each other and help each other rise.

This business is not just for us to pursue our dreams. With this opportunity, we want to help other people pursue their dreams as well. We want to change other peoples lives and we want to help them succeed. We want our future employees to know that we believe in them and to teach them to believe in themselves. Someday down the line, we hope to help people beyond our business and begin a fund and community for those who otherwise wouldn't have an opportunity like this.

Pa and Athena gave us the opportunity to follow our dreams at the ages of 23 and 25. There is no greater gift in the world and we can't wait to be able to use that gift to help others follow their dreams as well.

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30990 Russell Ranch Rd Unit C, Westlake Village, CA 91362
© 2014 Aroha Restaurant.