Go. Go. Go. (Because No Matter What, You Have to Try)

It's been over a year since I wrote a blog on here. It's amazing how fast time moves by. I'm not even sure what I'm planning to write about right now. Part of that may be because I'm sick with a cold and have brain fog, but I think part of it is that there is just too much going on that it's overwhelming and hard to focus on one particular idea.

On the home front, our son is two years old now. He's becoming such a wonderful and intelligent little boy. I couldn't be prouder. His vocabulary is still minimal but he at least has some useful words going for him: "go" seems to be his favorite go-to whenever he wants something. He gets behind me like I'm a train and says "go go go" to lead me wherever he wants to go. He also learned to say "no" a week after turning two. It's amazing how quickly that word happens! I'm particularly grateful he learned the word "bye" on his birthday. Albeit, he said it to a fountain at the Westlake Promenade, but he said it. At least now when our friends leave, he says "bye" instead of "go! go! go!".

Our son on the "go" during his two year photo shoot

Watching him every day reminds me of how carefree life could be. Yet, at the same time, it reminds me that no matter what age you are, things are never easy, and you always think it was easier when you were younger. But that's not really true, is it? No matter how small the situations we used to face seem to us, in comparison to what we're going through now, it was probably just as stressful at the time. When our son throws himself down on the floor over not getting anymore raisins (or a third apple for the day!), I'm sure, in that moment, it's the end of the world for him. It's the most stressful thing he's ever experienced in his life. The difference is, as a two year old, he throws his fit, he cries, and screams, and ten minutes later, he's forgotten about it. He's moved on. It happens time and time again, whether he's refused something or he gets rambunctious and runs straight into a wall accidentally (which he didn't even cry about and I still don't know how!).

The most notable time was when we first moved into our new house. It's two stories and our son had never dealt with stairs before. Our first full day in the house, he decided to try walking down the stairs. And he fell. My heart leaped from my chest in that moment. I caught him halfway down the stairs. He had a bump on his head. He cried. And yet, fifteen minutes later he was running around the house playing as usual and a half hour later, he was crawling back up and down the stairs without fear. (He hasn't tried to walk down since and has become very proficient on them!). I, on the other hand, still hold my breath, two months later, every time I watch him go near the stairs.

So, here's the real question.

At what age did we stop learning to move on? At what age did we decide we needed to stress all day long, otherwise we'd never find a solution for our problems? It happens subconsciously...and I'm sure there are people out there who know how to deal with their stress that this doesn't apply to. However, for the rest of us, I feel like we spend our days floundering going over the many missteps we took and pondering over how to correct them.

As a restaurant owner, I know this is a problem both my husband and I deal with. We spend days, weeks, months...at this point, years, trying to figure out reasons for anything that's gone wrong. Some days, like last night, we're busy. Not just busy. We were packed. But other days, it seems like the entire world is staying home. That may be the most confusing part of all. What makes people decide one night or one week to all come out but then spend days or weeks never coming by? Are we forgotten about? Is our menu not diverse enough? Does our aesthetics lack? Is our service not up to par? Do we need more advertising? How do locals still not know we exist after three years?

Going around from table to table, we constantly get praised on our restaurant. On how perfect everything is. But it often feels like we're still missing something, because if we truly were perfect, we should be busy all the time. Right?

My husband and I took a trip to New York City at the end of September for our anniversary vacation. Actually, we drove from Nashville to Niagra Falls to New York City, but that's a whole other story! The point is, our experience in NYC was eyeopening. At every restaurant we went to (even a 3.5 star Yelp rated restaurant...which is not the same as 3.5 star in Los Angeles) we had tasty food, gorgeous aesthetics, and impeccable service. Their service standards at a 3.5 star restaurant where better than most 4+ star restaurants in Los Angeles. From there, we experienced two Michelin star restaurants: The Musket Room (which is the only other New Zealand fine dining restaurant in the USA) and Le Bernardin, the top restaurant in NYC and voted #2 in the world. At The Musket Room, we dined in a rustic fine dining space, similar in size to our own but full of personality. It was inviting, intimate, and instantly set off romantic vibes in your head. Brick walls gave off the old New York vibe, completed with soffit lighting and rustic wood paneling on the ceiling. When we arrived, the host stood at a music stand by the entrance. Once seated, we were handed our custom menus for our set menu, complete with a wax seal. Our server was constantly waiting on us, bringing our wine pairings and explaining them to us. He was knowledgable and friendly. The food was delicious, and Gwith truly felt like he was back in New Zealand by some of the flavors that Matt Lambert showcased.

When we went to Le Bernardin, it was at a different level than we've ever experience in our entire life. Upon arrival, Gwith had to get a suit jacket because jackets are required inside the restaurant. We sat in the cocktail lounge, waiting for our table, and took a look at the cocktail list. Gwith quietly mentioned to me, "I don't have my glasses," as it's hard for him to read a menu without them. Low and behold, the host walks up next to him with a box of temporary reading glasses in three different prescriptions. Wow. Mind blown. After we ordered our cocktails, we were escorted to our table where I was provided a stool to set my purse on. The aesthetics were nice, with wood paneling and lighting accents throughout. I definitely preferred The Musket Room's rustic feel. Although the check was ironically higher at The Musket Room (albeit it's family owned so it makes complete sense!), it felt like anyone could dine there for a romantic evening out. Le Bernardin you could tell was meant for only the wealthiest of New York City. To clarify that statement though, the service was not snobbish in any way. It just felt like Chuck Bass's father could be at a nearby table having a billion dollar business meeting. (That's a Gossip Girl reference! My latest Netflix guilty pleasure after my son is asleep each night!) The service was exceptional. Our servers and bussers were friendly and the kitchen staff made certain to attend to all of my allergies. There was not a single misstep the entire meal and I am still dreaming about the tasting menu we experienced. I would dine here again in a heartbeat.

Dining at Le Bernardin in NYC

We left our trip with a new vision. What we want to achieve is not out of our reach. Our restaurant definitely needs some refurbishing...our outdoor patio has already been fixed up with an array of beautiful plants. We look at it now and think, "Wow. This was incredibly bare before. How did we not notice it?" We are in talks with a designer to redo our restaurant's interior. Change the lighting, bring a more rustic fine dining vibe, and all around give personality to our interior, so our aesthetics match our food. Our plates have all been upgraded to stoneware, leaving behind the outdated white plates. We have blankets arriving for cool winter nights on the patio and reading glasses for those who forgot their own, because it's the little things that wow us. And we want to wow you. We are also proud to announce we have an amazing new front of house manager, Jillian, coming on board to bring a level of service that we so far have only seen in NYC.

Aroha's new on site herb garden at our outdoor patio

The problem is, being cooped up at our own restaurant for three years, we've been unable to observe or keep up with what other fine dining establishments are doing. And to be completely honest, there is only one fine dining restaurant in Los Angeles that I can think of that provides even near the same level of service as NYC, and that's Ocean Prime in Beverly Hills. Their service is consistently wonderful no matter which city you're located in. All in all though, Los Angeles has yet to do what NYC is doing.

But we're going to change that. If we continue down the path that we're aiming towards, you should be getting a taste of the NYC treatment right here in Westlake Village, California.

Change is coming.

This whole experience has been a rollercoaster for us. It's exciting and it's terrifying all at once. I feel like we're constantly taking leaps of faith to achieve our dreams and constantly letting our fears hold us back. Some changes we made early on were for the wrong reasons. Out of fear. Changes like trying to offer prices that competed with a local chain restaurant. Prices that did not cover our food (imported, fresh, and organic!) and labor costs. Prices that made it impossible for us to ever reach a profit. Or trying to offer mainstream food items like a burger on our fine dining menu (what were we thinking?). It didn't bring any customers our way by riding on the coattails of our fears. However, the second we started trying to make the food we wanted to make, our restaurant already began to improve. And that food isn't even showcasing my husband's incredible talents. His stress and fear holds him back from trying creative and exciting new items, and yet, every time he does, we improve. The problem with being a restaurant owner is that you spend almost 90% of your time focused on fear. It keeps you from leaping for your goals and showing the world what you can do. Sometimes, it feels impossible. Most times, fear has the complete opposite effect and instead of propelling you to make improvements, it makes you lose focus and fall behind.

New dessert collaboration by Gwithyen Thomas and Custom Cupcakes By Sarah:

Sarah's Chocolate Implosion Cupcake

Maybe some people find it ludicrous to try over and over again. I'm sure some people would've thrown in the towel by now. I won't lie: there have been plenty of moments where it just feels easiest to give up. Most times though, instead of giving up, you just need to reach a little (or a lot) further. You need to put aside your fears and go all in. You need to get up from the floor, wipe your tears, and head back up the stairs because maybe next time, you won't fall down. Maybe next time, you'll get to exactly where you want to be, completely unscathed.

Don't stop dreaming. Don't stop believing. Don't stop reaching for your goals. Not until you know you've done everything in your power to try. Then, no matter what happens, you know you gave it your all and at the end of the day, isn't that what's most important? Leaving behind the what ifs and the I should'ves, and instead (using our son's favorite word to get what he wants),

GO for it.

An Expert's Guide to a Long Distance Relationship

As the months have passed and many of my Facebook friends are leaving college and moving to new places, I've been seeing a lot more posts about entering long distance relationships. As a woman who lived a long distance relationship, I hope I can offer some useful tips! First, however, here are my credentials:

• I wasn't just in a long distance relationship. I lived in Colorado and my man lived in New Zealand. Our time difference was over a day and flights were incredibly long and expensive.

• I married him (and we've been happily married for almost 2 and a half years). Read our love story!

• In the two years we dated before we got married, we saw each other in person a total of 10 weeks.

• Before him, my very first relationship (at 15) was also long distance. He lived in West Virginia. This one did not work out, therefore I also know what doesn't work.

If both you and your significant other are committed to each other and committed to making long distance work, then hopefully my advice can help you through this incredibly tough time.


1) Daily Face to Face Contact
What worked: I can not stress this enough, SKYPE is essential. If you do not have Skype, download it right this second. My husband and I Skyped as regularly as possible. When we both had a free day early in our relationship, I kid you not, we spent 11 hours talking on Skype. Some days, we'd only be able to Skype for 10-30 minutes. No matter how much or how little time we had to talk, having face to face contact regularly was very important.
What didn't work: In my first relationship, Skype didn't exist yet but we used another video chat software at the time. We would video chat every few weeks and it was always on his schedule. If your relationship is going to work, both sides need to make it work.
How to Do It: Figure out a time that works for both of you every day. Commit to that time. Don't wait by the computer all day waiting to suddenly hear from each other. It's unhealthy for whoever is doing the waiting. If one of you can't talk on a certain day, let the other know in advance, or call instead and tell them you can't Skype that day.

On our first date in New Zealand

2) Phone Calls
What worked: My husband had a phone plan in New Zealand, 2 hours for $2 long distance. It was too expensive for me to call him so he had to call me. If we didn't get the chance to Skype on certain days, he would always call. In the two years we were long distance, only one day passed that we didn't talk (he worked a double shift).
What didn't work: This one is my fault. I've always had issues talking on the phone. I prefer looking at a person when speaking to them and at 15, I was really uncomfortable with this idea. My boyfriend and I talked on the phone maybe once in the 6 months we dated.
How to Do It: Figure out a phone plan that works depending on your distance or download the app VIBER on your phone. The phone calls are free. That's how my husband now talks to his family in New Zealand.

From New Zealand to Colorado: Gwith sent me flowers.

3) Write & Text
What worked: My husband and I would Facebook chat back and forth when we were on the go. If we weren't on the phone or on Skype, we still were communicating. Before we started Skyping and talking on the phone, for the first couple weeks, we would write long emails to each other.
What didn't work: Relying strictly on writing letters here and there. The majority of my first relationship was writing emails. The emails were great (when I'd receive them!) but they weren't the same as having a conversation and they weren't frequent.
How to Do It: Writing and texting should be supporting your relationship, it shouldn't be the key to your relationship. Both should be done to keep up constant communication but should never be in place of Skype and phone calls. If your only option for communication at the moment is writing emails, write them often. Make each other a priority and write daily or every other day.

Gwith's first day in Colorado

4)  Plan to See Each Other and Actually See Each Other
What worked: On our first date (and only date before I left New Zealand), my husband told me he was going to fly out to the states and visit me. I didn't believe a word he was saying but he proved me wrong. He started looking up flights that night and once we started dating, he told me he was planning to come out in 6 months. He kept his word, saved up his money, and came out for 3 weeks 5 1/2 months later. I flew out to see him a few more times after his visit.
What didn't work: My first boyfriend told me he would be coming out to see me that summer. I asked him a number of times when exactly and the date kept being pushed off, month after month. He never came out.
How to Do It: Commit. If you're across an ocean, the price is definitely overwhelming, so it may take some time to save. However, if you are both committed to the other methods (phone calls & skype) the time should pass a lot easier. Also, be honest with each other. If you can't afford to come out yet, talk about it.

Spending time at the restaurant Gwith worked at in New Zealand

Gwith keeping me company while I recorded my EP in the studio

5) Spend Your Time Together and Share In Each Other's Lives
What worked: When my husband and I would see each other, we would spend a lot of our time just the two of us. However, I also visited him when he was working. Some days were long and it was harder to be there and not see him but it also prepared me more than I even realized for his job as a chef. If you're going to be together, you have to know each other's actual routines. That said, you're still visiting and your significant other should not spend every day with his buddies.
What didn't work: My first boyfriend and I never actually saw each other after our first date and Skype dates would be missed or cut short because he was too busy with his friends.
How to Do It: Communicate. If you've been spending many months talking on the phone and Skyping, you should already have a deeper understanding for each other. If you're there and feeling ignored, talk about it. My husband got carried away one night cleaning up his apartment and chatting with his flatmates. He had been at work all day. He said he'd be done in 30 minutes and 3 hours later, finally came in. I was upset but we talked about it and worked through it.

In the end, the key aspects of a long distance relationship (or any relationship for that matter) are commitment and communication.

The difference between living in the same city or thousands of miles apart is that your relationship is tested a lot sooner. You can't rely on the physical aspects of your relationship to keep it going. In the end, you're testing how strong your relationship truly is.

In no way am I saying that long distance is easy. It's not. It's a challenge. But so are many things in a relationship. If you and your significant other can make it through a long distance relationship, then in my mind, there is nothing you can't face together.

My happily ever after.

I'm 22, Married and My Life Didn't Stop!

It's always interesting to me how so many people frown upon the idea of marrying young. In my mind, getting married isn't about your age, it's about your life goals and expectations. One of the most ridiculous articles I read was "23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You're 23". There is only one thing that article made clear to me. The person who wrote it is definitely not ready to get married.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be single and free to do whatever you went, whenever you want. Of course, if that's your mindset, you probably aren't ready for marriage. You're also probably not ready to accept adulthood and all of the responsibilities that come with that either. However, if you're 20 years old and you're ready to share your everyday life with someone (the ups, the downs, and the adult responsibilities) and aren't expecting marriage to be a "passionate adventure" (like the girls on The Bachelor), I don't see the problem.

Anyways, the list in that article made me incredibly annoyed and I wanted to give my own responses to it as a 22 year old married woman. Here's the list, with my answers in red and a few pictures that show proof that life does go on after marriage.

1. Get a passport. 

I'm not entirely sure why you can't travel after you're married. I feel like someone needs to call the airlines and find out! I had a passport long before I turned 23...and I went to visit my now husband in New Zealand three times with it before we got married. We flew to Brisbane, Australia for our one year dating anniversary and we're also going to Europe this year for our 3rd wedding anniversary. 

Meeting Gwith in Auckland, New Zealand

2. Find your “thing.” 

I'm still searching for my exact "thing" but my husband isn't telling me to stop. 

3. Make out with a stranger. 

Read my "Worst Dates Ever" blog. I'm more than happy not making out with strangers. They tend to be creepy.

4. Adopt a pet. 

My husband and I decided to adopt our pet bunny, Willow, together. Honestly, I have no idea how I would manage her on my own. I would never be able to lift her giant cage. Plus, getting a pet makes #1's "Getting a Passport" really silly. If getting a husband makes traveling impossible, imagine getting a pet! They rely on you just to eat. 

Holiday Photo 2012 with Willow.

5. Start a band. 

I'm a singer and my husband isn't stopping me from following my dreams. 

6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too. 

I'm actually taking cake decorating classes for the next three weeks. So I made a cake yesterday (my sweet husband went to the grocery store 3 times for me because I kept messing up on ingredients), I'm making another cake next week, and I will be eating it because my husband doesn't actually like cake. I know this isn't *exactly* what the writer meant by "make a cake" (or at least I don't think it is!) but I'm just saying... 

7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage. 

Ha! This I can't even read without laughing. I hate needles. HATE. HATE. HATE. I love my husband. I'd rather have him be permanent.

8. Explore a new religion. 

I'm not religious and neither is my husband...and again, we don't sit around telling each other not to do things. 

9. Start a small business. 

We're always throwing ideas around and we eventually hope to have a restaurant. 

10.Cut your hair. 

No. I'd rather someone else do this. It sounds scary... If this isn't what you meant, I can still make changes to my hair now that I'm married.

Haircut post-marriage! Unheard of, I know.

11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face. 

This is just stupid. How old is the person writing this list? There is never a reason to date two people (without them knowing about it) and let them get hurt. No wonder you're not ready for marriage. 

12. Build something with your hands. 

I'm a very artsy person so I did this long before I got married and I can still do it now. Imagine that! I got married and didn't lose my hands! 

13. Accomplish a Pinterest project. 

I don't really spend time on Pinterest but I've got plenty of my own projects to keep me occupied. 

14. Join the Peace Corps. 

Not really my thing. 

15. Disappoint your parents. 

Again, why? First of all, my parents love me unconditionally. Secondly, I'm not 13. I don't feel an overwhelming need to rebel against them at 22 years old. 

16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again. 

I've never seen that. 

17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting. 

Stomach aches aren't fun at any age, single or married. 

18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places. 

I'm again wondering the age of this person... 

19. Sign up for CrossFit. 

Is there a clause on the sign up form that says "not for married women?" 

20. Hangout naked in front of a window. 

I wouldn't feel comfortable doing this even if I was single. 

21. Write your feelings down in a blog. 

Done. (Read some of my most personal latest posts: A New Beginning, Don't Be Jealous of The Girl Trying to Gain Weight, and Confessions from a High School Drop Out)

22. Be selfish. 

What does this even mean? I think about others all the time so I can't just turn that off.

In my opinion, that list isn't written by someone who understands adulthood, let alone marriage. So I agree, if you read the initial list and you still want to party, make out with random strangers, break hearts, and make people uncomfortable in public, don't get married. Instead, jump into your time machine and go back to being in high school.

I've personally had more experiences in my life since I got married. My husband completes me. He helps me find the courage to try new things and discover more about myself. Since we got married I've gone parasailing (I hate heights and I want to do this again), snorkeling (those masks always freaked me out), jet skiing (which I love now!), I got a pet (I've always feared animals), and so much more.

We handle our adult responsibilities as a team and we support each other through thick and thin. When my grandpa died last year, I was afraid to feel attached. I distanced myself from my family and my husband. I told my husband this and instead of getting upset at me, he held me in his arms and understood without any questions. He helped me through this challenging time and I've been able to find my way back to everyone I love.

I'm incredibly happy sharing my life with him. I wouldn't have it any other way.

How We Brought Down an International Thief

I've always dreamed of being a super spy. CIA. FBI. I'm sure it's from watching shows like "Chuck", "Covert Affairs", "White Collar", etc. My husband has always dreamed of being a cop because of his love for the show "Third Watch". This week, we got the opportunity for one day to feel like super spies and took down an international criminal. No, seriously. We did.

It all started on Monday when we went to Santa Monica Pier and got a Mix-It-Up Slushie from one of the vendors. As he swiped our credit card, my husband and I noticed him do it two more times. We didn't say anything to each other but we both thought, "We'll keep an eye on our bill!" Sure enough, on Wednesday morning, I checked out our current bill online. To my (somewhat) surprise, I saw a $2,250 purchase for plane tickets from Israeli airlines and a $10 purchase on Travelocity. I woke up my husband and showed him right away.

The first thing we did was call the credit card company, cancel our card and tell them about the charges. We could've left it at that - we weren't going to be charged and they would begin their usual "investigation". However, my husband and I wanted this guy caught.

First, we called the Israeli Airlines at LAX. They weren't much help and couldn't give us any information. However, the next call Gwith made was to Travelocity. The lovely people there heard our story and after giving them our credit card information, sent us the itinerary of the thief, along with his name. To our surprise, he was catching the red eye from Tel Aviv airport and flying to Los Angeles. We later found out that this is very common: someone out here steals the card information and sells it on the black market. Travelocity, of course, cancelled the ticket on our behalf but did not alert the thief.

From there, we decided to call the airport in Tel Aviv. The woman on the phone looked up the reservation and told Gwith it had already been cancelled. However, when he told her the thief didn't know and was on his way to the airport now, she decided to put out an alert to capture the criminal.

Two hours later, Gwith and I were notified that the man had been caught at check-in.

Gwith and I have also contacted Santa Monica Pier about the man we know took our details in the first place. The manager said he'll be watching the cameras.

For one day, we felt like super spies...taking down a criminal all the way across the world! Years from now, we'll embellish upon the story, I'm sure, and by the time we have great-grandchildren, we'll tell them about the time we personally flew to Israel as civilians and tackled a thief and hauled him off to jail.

If your credit card details are stolen, I encourage you to follow up and look into it yourselves. The bank and credit card company have both told us how rare it is to find the thief. 

I bet this guy figured we'd see the bill after he was long gone. Bet he was surprised!