An Expert's Guide to a Long Distance Relationship

As the months have passed and many of my Facebook friends are leaving college and moving to new places, I've been seeing a lot more posts about entering long distance relationships. As a woman who lived a long distance relationship, I hope I can offer some useful tips! First, however, here are my credentials:

• I wasn't just in a long distance relationship. I lived in Colorado and my man lived in New Zealand. Our time difference was over a day and flights were incredibly long and expensive.

• I married him (and we've been happily married for almost 2 and a half years). Read our love story!

• In the two years we dated before we got married, we saw each other in person a total of 10 weeks.

• Before him, my very first relationship (at 15) was also long distance. He lived in West Virginia. This one did not work out, therefore I also know what doesn't work.

If both you and your significant other are committed to each other and committed to making long distance work, then hopefully my advice can help you through this incredibly tough time.


1) Daily Face to Face Contact
What worked: I can not stress this enough, SKYPE is essential. If you do not have Skype, download it right this second. My husband and I Skyped as regularly as possible. When we both had a free day early in our relationship, I kid you not, we spent 11 hours talking on Skype. Some days, we'd only be able to Skype for 10-30 minutes. No matter how much or how little time we had to talk, having face to face contact regularly was very important.
What didn't work: In my first relationship, Skype didn't exist yet but we used another video chat software at the time. We would video chat every few weeks and it was always on his schedule. If your relationship is going to work, both sides need to make it work.
How to Do It: Figure out a time that works for both of you every day. Commit to that time. Don't wait by the computer all day waiting to suddenly hear from each other. It's unhealthy for whoever is doing the waiting. If one of you can't talk on a certain day, let the other know in advance, or call instead and tell them you can't Skype that day.

On our first date in New Zealand

2) Phone Calls
What worked: My husband had a phone plan in New Zealand, 2 hours for $2 long distance. It was too expensive for me to call him so he had to call me. If we didn't get the chance to Skype on certain days, he would always call. In the two years we were long distance, only one day passed that we didn't talk (he worked a double shift).
What didn't work: This one is my fault. I've always had issues talking on the phone. I prefer looking at a person when speaking to them and at 15, I was really uncomfortable with this idea. My boyfriend and I talked on the phone maybe once in the 6 months we dated.
How to Do It: Figure out a phone plan that works depending on your distance or download the app VIBER on your phone. The phone calls are free. That's how my husband now talks to his family in New Zealand.

From New Zealand to Colorado: Gwith sent me flowers.

3) Write & Text
What worked: My husband and I would Facebook chat back and forth when we were on the go. If we weren't on the phone or on Skype, we still were communicating. Before we started Skyping and talking on the phone, for the first couple weeks, we would write long emails to each other.
What didn't work: Relying strictly on writing letters here and there. The majority of my first relationship was writing emails. The emails were great (when I'd receive them!) but they weren't the same as having a conversation and they weren't frequent.
How to Do It: Writing and texting should be supporting your relationship, it shouldn't be the key to your relationship. Both should be done to keep up constant communication but should never be in place of Skype and phone calls. If your only option for communication at the moment is writing emails, write them often. Make each other a priority and write daily or every other day.

Gwith's first day in Colorado

4)  Plan to See Each Other and Actually See Each Other
What worked: On our first date (and only date before I left New Zealand), my husband told me he was going to fly out to the states and visit me. I didn't believe a word he was saying but he proved me wrong. He started looking up flights that night and once we started dating, he told me he was planning to come out in 6 months. He kept his word, saved up his money, and came out for 3 weeks 5 1/2 months later. I flew out to see him a few more times after his visit.
What didn't work: My first boyfriend told me he would be coming out to see me that summer. I asked him a number of times when exactly and the date kept being pushed off, month after month. He never came out.
How to Do It: Commit. If you're across an ocean, the price is definitely overwhelming, so it may take some time to save. However, if you are both committed to the other methods (phone calls & skype) the time should pass a lot easier. Also, be honest with each other. If you can't afford to come out yet, talk about it.

Spending time at the restaurant Gwith worked at in New Zealand

Gwith keeping me company while I recorded my EP in the studio

5) Spend Your Time Together and Share In Each Other's Lives
What worked: When my husband and I would see each other, we would spend a lot of our time just the two of us. However, I also visited him when he was working. Some days were long and it was harder to be there and not see him but it also prepared me more than I even realized for his job as a chef. If you're going to be together, you have to know each other's actual routines. That said, you're still visiting and your significant other should not spend every day with his buddies.
What didn't work: My first boyfriend and I never actually saw each other after our first date and Skype dates would be missed or cut short because he was too busy with his friends.
How to Do It: Communicate. If you've been spending many months talking on the phone and Skyping, you should already have a deeper understanding for each other. If you're there and feeling ignored, talk about it. My husband got carried away one night cleaning up his apartment and chatting with his flatmates. He had been at work all day. He said he'd be done in 30 minutes and 3 hours later, finally came in. I was upset but we talked about it and worked through it.

In the end, the key aspects of a long distance relationship (or any relationship for that matter) are commitment and communication.

The difference between living in the same city or thousands of miles apart is that your relationship is tested a lot sooner. You can't rely on the physical aspects of your relationship to keep it going. In the end, you're testing how strong your relationship truly is.

In no way am I saying that long distance is easy. It's not. It's a challenge. But so are many things in a relationship. If you and your significant other can make it through a long distance relationship, then in my mind, there is nothing you can't face together.

My happily ever after.

My "Stepping Stone" - The Love Story Behind the Song

I can't believe the day has finally come! My EP, "Stepping Stone", is now available on iTunes and Amazon MP3. You can also purchase a physical copy through my website. I appreciate all of the support everyone. Please continue to spread the word and help me out by rating and reviewing it on iTunes and Amazon.

Please follow me on Facebook and Twitter to stay updated on any future music...or to just see adorable pictures of my bunny. Whichever you prefer.

This is it. My final "Inspiration Behind the Song". I don't even know where to begin. There really are no words to describe how much the song "Stepping Stone" means to me.

The song is about my journey with my husband, Gwith. The beginning phrase, "There's a million sounds yet you're the only one I hear. There's a trillion moments, but I can only recall just one" was written before I ever met him. After I wrote that part, I never knew what to write next. I hadn't experienced it yet. Then, about a year later, I met him. Here are the lyrics for the first verse and the story behind them:

"There was something special in your eyes. The way you touched me, no words could describe. Your eyes danced in the moonlight. They shimmered and I shivered all over my spine." 

My family was traveling to Australia because my dad was racing as part of Team USA in a World's Triathlon. My mom decided that since we would, in her words, "never be in that part of the world again", we'd go to New Zealand too. Little did she know, I was going to find the love of my life there and most certainly be back there again!

My family stayed at a hotel in Auckland. This hotel had three different restaurants and the one we ate at the first night was so disgusting that we decided the next day to try the Japanese Teppanyaki restaurant. If my husband were typing this right now, he would love to tell this part. From the first moment I walked into the restaurant, our eyes locked. But because of my allergies to bell peppers (he was already cooking at another table), he couldn't cook for us. His best friend cooked for us instead. What I didn't know was after we had left, he told his friend that "Next time, I'm cooking for her." The next day, I encouraged my family to go back to the restaurant for lunch. After all, I wanted to get another look at this cute boy. This time, as fate would have it (or as Gwith made sure of it), he cooked for us. I can't explain it but there was this moment when I looked up at him and I knew. That little voice in my head said "He is going to be special to me." And I was right.

While cooking for us, Gwith offered to show my family around Auckland on his break. As he walked us down to the pier, he and I started to walk ahead of everyone else. Well, mostly everyone else. My older sister (who I love dearly) kept tagging along cluelessly! But she did get some photos of us from that very first day!

A few deadly glares later, she got the hint. Eventually, my family decided to head back to the hotel. Gwith and I decided to stay back for a little bit. Once we arrived back at the hotel, he asked me out. I remember thinking "I don't really know this guy. I'm not really sure if I should go out with this stranger in another country." So I told him: "I might be tired." Of course, that night, I went in to the restaurant to think about it and when he saw me, he was doing a juggling trick for a customer and dropped his spatulas. It was so cute that I knew right then that I had to go out with him.

We had an amazing night on the town. We danced. We talked. In just a matter of hours, we felt such a strong connection. But the next day, I left Auckland. That didn't stop us though. For the next 6 months, we wrote emails to each other every day and talked on the phone or Skype at least twice a day. There was never a day that went by when we didn't talk to each other. I remember, there was this one day we were on Skype for 12 hours just talking and telling each other stories. It was incredible.

And that's just verse one. Here's the inspiration behind the second verse:

"From the moment you came off that plane, the way you kissed me, I knew we were the same. Our lips danced, till the daylight. They flittered, my heart melted, throughout the night!"

After 6 months of waiting to see each other, Gwith flew out to the US for the very first time. I have two types of memories now every time I enter the airport. Our incredible hellos and our heartbreaking goodbyes. From the moment he came off the plane, we were inseparable. Even my parents have told me that after his 3 week trip, they knew he was the one. In those weeks, we fell so deeply in love.

Every time I read the lyrics to the next verse of the song, it takes me back to this amazing day.

"From the moment we sat by the brook, the things that you said, I knew my life had changed! Yeah my heart thrived in the sunlight. It pounded and I realized you'd be mine for life."

After Gwith's first trip to the states, I flew out to New Zealand a couple of times. The second time was for our one year anniversary. To celebrate, we traveled to Brisbane, Australia. Well, actually, we traveled to Coolangatta, Australia and quickly realized the error of our ways. Beds that felt as hard as blocks of ice, having to buy our own toilet paper in the hotel, and all of the restaurants and grocery stores closing at 5:30 (when we arrived from NZ at 5:35?). That adventure was pretty bad...in a funny way now, of course. Anyways, back to the romantic part of the story. And no. This is not when he proposed to me. But it was when I knew he was going to someday. We were walking along the brook in Brisbane and he sat me down on a bench. Yellow flowers were blowing around the bench, the water was drifting down the brook, and all I could hear was him. He looked me in the eyes and he told me, "There is one thing I want you to know. One day, I will marry you." That moment was the moment my whole life changed forever.

About 8 months later, Gwith flew out to Denver and when he saw me again, he realized he never wanted to leave my side. He proposed to me on a beautiful horse carriage ride in Downtown Denver!

The chorus of the song is about our wedding day. 647,568,000 seconds went by in my life, counting down until our wedding. 675 days were stepping stones of the beginning of our journey together. I've always believed that life is a journey. Everything happens for a reason and leads you in a certain direction. At 18 years old, there were a million of other things I could have been doing in the fall of 2009, other than going to New Zealand with my family. Yet all of my choices up till that point put me on a plane and I am grateful every day that they did. I don't know where I would be in life without my husband. He is my everything.

"And every second of my life was counting down until this moment. Every day was just a stepping stone. Leading me to you."

I hope you enjoyed reading about my inspiration behind the song and enjoy listening!

What Went Wrong, Dexter, and Dance Lessons!

Today is Monday, which mean I get to talk about another one of my songs today! Today, I'm going to talk about the inspiration behind the second song on my album, "What Went Wrong".

I wrote this song when I was 17. At 17, being dumped felt like the end of the world, even if in retrospect, I can't for the life of me figure out why I even liked this guy! We only dated for about a month, but at 17, I suppose a month felt like an eternity. Regardless, the feelings of heartbreak are the same at any age and it's something we all have to go through. Shortly after this guy dumped me, I was sitting in my parents basement, crying. The previous song I talked about, "Mystical Vibe", was as I said, inspired by the love I dreamed about. Before "What Went Wrong", every song I wrote was inspired by dreaming and fantasizing. Finally, with this song, my feelings became very real, and for the first time, I wrote from my heart and my own experience. Looking back, there's nothing that I did wrong. There's nothing that any of us do wrong. But it sure does feel like it at the time, doesn't it? "What Went Wrong" releases on my CD "Stepping Stone" July 15th on iTunes! A ringtone version will also release the same day.

Do not read ahead if you have yet to see this week's Dexter.

Wow! It was a great start to the finale season of Dexter! We've seen Dexter unravelling more and more the past few years and now it's all crashing down. Deb was right. He needs her. Without her, he's slipping. Unfortunately, Deb is no longer in a place where she can help Dexter. I feel so terrible for her. Of course, is it odd that since after 8 years, I'm naturally on the side of Dexter, that I want her to forgive him too and come back to being his sister? I miss the Deb/Dexter bond. It's very hard to see her so angry at him and also having a death wish.

Boy. Harrison is really growing up! I'm curious how at his age, he's going to play into the season. If Dexter has to throw out Harrison's favorite toy, do you think anyone will notice it's gone missing? It's the little things that could cause Dexter to slip up even further.

Doctor Vogel. Do you think she's good or evil? She clearly knows about psychopaths, Harry's Code, and Dexter's drawings, which leads me to believe that she knew Dexter as a child. By the previews, it seems like she supports Dexter. But, I never know what to believe by the scenes. Somehow, this show always seems to surprise me by the end.

What do you think is going to happen? How do you think this season is going to end? Will Dexter die? Will he go to prison? Will he finally be rid of the Dark Passenger? Since I can remember, I always thought that maybe eventually Dexter would get rid of his dark passenger. But now, I feel like that is becoming harder and harder to believe. He seems like instead of getting better, he's getting worse. Things are going to come to a head one way or another by the end of the show and I can not wait to see it all unfold!

End of Dexter talk.

Final topic for today: Gwith and I are taking a dance lesson tonight! We're so excited! Whenever I go to fill out those forms though at dance studios about "what I'd like to learn", it's always so hard to choose! I want to learn salsa, swing, waltz, samba, etc. etc. Basically any dance that we can be taught, I want to learn it. I also have this silly fantasy to dance the full dance from Dirty Dancing. Although, I'm pretty sure I'd freak out trying the lift! But hey, maybe one day. I definitely want to learn this spin eventually:

Did you ever date a Mr. Wrong who seemed so right? What do you see Dexter's fate being? Or Deb's for that matter? Is there any type of dance you want to learn?

Have a great day everyone!