It's Your Thoughts, Not Your Age, That Matter When You Get Married

I'm twenty-four years old and I got married at the age of twenty. Plenty of people would say that my age was far too young to get married. Yet, if someone gets married at the age of thirty, plenty of people would say "It's about time!". When did important life decisions become about a number, rather than just knowing when you're ready?

I am very much in love with my husband and I have been since practically the moment we met. But when I made the decision to marry him, my love for him was only a small part of my decision. For just being in love, does not make anyone ready for marriage.

Marriage is about being ready to spend your life compromising, sharing your decisions, and above all, understanding how to balance your needs while selflessly making decisions to benefit your spouse. It's about being ready to grow up and take on a million new responsibilities you never saw coming. It's about accepting your spouse for every single part of them, the good and the bad, and being ready to deal with the ups and downs that go along with that.

With things like Facebook now a days, it's hard for people not to compare themselves to their peers. At 24, I see all kinds of different worlds on my Facebook in my age group. There are the people that are married, the ones with children, some who are already divorced, and the couples who aren't married yet but have been together for years. Then there are the singles who are off in grad school, others beginning their new exciting careers, working non-stop, and then a handful who somehow still party and drink like they never left high school. The point is, every one is different. There isn't an age that makes you ready for the future. Only you can decide when you're truly ready.

At twenty years old, I was lucky enough to know. Since I was a little girl, the only thing I could remember wanting more than anything in the world was a family of my own. Before I met my husband, I had dated my fair share of guys and each one taught me about myself and what I was looking for in a relationship. They also taught me that sometimes, you only see what you want to see when you're in the moment. I dated a guy I really liked when I was 17, and yet, I don't even know why I liked him so much. Deep down, I knew he wasn't right for me but I didn't want to admit it to myself. When he broke up with me, I was heartbroken. However, as time passed and the blinders I had kept so tightly on came off, it was clear to me that he and I would have never worked out. I think what I liked about him was that he was a symbol of the independence I was so eager to have. However, this one major attraction didn't mean we were in any way compatible.

When I met my husband at 18, there were clear signs that made me realize over time that he was the one for me. However, the biggest sign was how natural I felt around him. Whether I felt ridiculously goofy or mind-blowingly frustrated, he always understood. I knew at any moment I could be myself and he would never hold me back, only help me blossom further. And I realized I did the same for him. To me, his "faults" aren't "faults". They're personality traits that make him who he is, and it is part of marriage to find the ability to understand and respect them. The fact is, if I had to choose between a lifetime of his faults or a lifetime without him, it wouldn't even be a choice. There is no world that I can picture without him. Like all big decisions in life, you should never hide from the negative sides you may see. These sides only help you decide what you truly want and what you're truly ready for.

At twenty years old, when he proposed to me, I didn't ever just expect the happy moments. I never went in with blinders on. I knew exactly who I was marrying and expected that we'd face challenges along the way. In some ways, I prepared myself for things that never even happened. Honestly, I feel like when we got married, we both knew who the other person was so well that we've never judged each other for our differences. Our annoyances or frustrations never give us thoughts of "maybe this isn't working". They only help us strive to be an even more dynamic couple.

The point is, no matter what age you are, falling in love is always easy. It's getting married, however, that takes a different level of understanding that only you will know if you're truly ready for.

I'm 22, Married and My Life Didn't Stop!

It's always interesting to me how so many people frown upon the idea of marrying young. In my mind, getting married isn't about your age, it's about your life goals and expectations. One of the most ridiculous articles I read was "23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You're 23". There is only one thing that article made clear to me. The person who wrote it is definitely not ready to get married.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be single and free to do whatever you went, whenever you want. Of course, if that's your mindset, you probably aren't ready for marriage. You're also probably not ready to accept adulthood and all of the responsibilities that come with that either. However, if you're 20 years old and you're ready to share your everyday life with someone (the ups, the downs, and the adult responsibilities) and aren't expecting marriage to be a "passionate adventure" (like the girls on The Bachelor), I don't see the problem.

Anyways, the list in that article made me incredibly annoyed and I wanted to give my own responses to it as a 22 year old married woman. Here's the list, with my answers in red and a few pictures that show proof that life does go on after marriage.

1. Get a passport. 

I'm not entirely sure why you can't travel after you're married. I feel like someone needs to call the airlines and find out! I had a passport long before I turned 23...and I went to visit my now husband in New Zealand three times with it before we got married. We flew to Brisbane, Australia for our one year dating anniversary and we're also going to Europe this year for our 3rd wedding anniversary. 

Meeting Gwith in Auckland, New Zealand

2. Find your “thing.” 

I'm still searching for my exact "thing" but my husband isn't telling me to stop. 

3. Make out with a stranger. 

Read my "Worst Dates Ever" blog. I'm more than happy not making out with strangers. They tend to be creepy.

4. Adopt a pet. 

My husband and I decided to adopt our pet bunny, Willow, together. Honestly, I have no idea how I would manage her on my own. I would never be able to lift her giant cage. Plus, getting a pet makes #1's "Getting a Passport" really silly. If getting a husband makes traveling impossible, imagine getting a pet! They rely on you just to eat. 

Holiday Photo 2012 with Willow.

5. Start a band. 

I'm a singer and my husband isn't stopping me from following my dreams. 

6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too. 

I'm actually taking cake decorating classes for the next three weeks. So I made a cake yesterday (my sweet husband went to the grocery store 3 times for me because I kept messing up on ingredients), I'm making another cake next week, and I will be eating it because my husband doesn't actually like cake. I know this isn't *exactly* what the writer meant by "make a cake" (or at least I don't think it is!) but I'm just saying... 

7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage. 

Ha! This I can't even read without laughing. I hate needles. HATE. HATE. HATE. I love my husband. I'd rather have him be permanent.

8. Explore a new religion. 

I'm not religious and neither is my husband...and again, we don't sit around telling each other not to do things. 

9. Start a small business. 

We're always throwing ideas around and we eventually hope to have a restaurant. 

10.Cut your hair. 

No. I'd rather someone else do this. It sounds scary... If this isn't what you meant, I can still make changes to my hair now that I'm married.

Haircut post-marriage! Unheard of, I know.

11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face. 

This is just stupid. How old is the person writing this list? There is never a reason to date two people (without them knowing about it) and let them get hurt. No wonder you're not ready for marriage. 

12. Build something with your hands. 

I'm a very artsy person so I did this long before I got married and I can still do it now. Imagine that! I got married and didn't lose my hands! 

13. Accomplish a Pinterest project. 

I don't really spend time on Pinterest but I've got plenty of my own projects to keep me occupied. 

14. Join the Peace Corps. 

Not really my thing. 

15. Disappoint your parents. 

Again, why? First of all, my parents love me unconditionally. Secondly, I'm not 13. I don't feel an overwhelming need to rebel against them at 22 years old. 

16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again. 

I've never seen that. 

17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting. 

Stomach aches aren't fun at any age, single or married. 

18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places. 

I'm again wondering the age of this person... 

19. Sign up for CrossFit. 

Is there a clause on the sign up form that says "not for married women?" 

20. Hangout naked in front of a window. 

I wouldn't feel comfortable doing this even if I was single. 

21. Write your feelings down in a blog. 

Done. (Read some of my most personal latest posts: A New Beginning, Don't Be Jealous of The Girl Trying to Gain Weight, and Confessions from a High School Drop Out)

22. Be selfish. 

What does this even mean? I think about others all the time so I can't just turn that off.

In my opinion, that list isn't written by someone who understands adulthood, let alone marriage. So I agree, if you read the initial list and you still want to party, make out with random strangers, break hearts, and make people uncomfortable in public, don't get married. Instead, jump into your time machine and go back to being in high school.

I've personally had more experiences in my life since I got married. My husband completes me. He helps me find the courage to try new things and discover more about myself. Since we got married I've gone parasailing (I hate heights and I want to do this again), snorkeling (those masks always freaked me out), jet skiing (which I love now!), I got a pet (I've always feared animals), and so much more.

We handle our adult responsibilities as a team and we support each other through thick and thin. When my grandpa died last year, I was afraid to feel attached. I distanced myself from my family and my husband. I told my husband this and instead of getting upset at me, he held me in his arms and understood without any questions. He helped me through this challenging time and I've been able to find my way back to everyone I love.

I'm incredibly happy sharing my life with him. I wouldn't have it any other way.