The True Definition of You

It's funny how when you're a certain age, or when you're still trying to discover who you are, how you latch on to things to help "define" you, yet the only thing in this world that defines you ends up being you.

When I was 16, I was obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If I could've become Buffy, I think I would have. I couldn't go a conversation without somehow connecting the show and I most certainly couldn't go a week, if even a day, without watching an episode (or a full fledged marathon!). I was obsessed with going to conventions, meeting the actors, and getting their autographs. I had to get prop replicas and always made fan music videos. Everything in my life somehow related to the show. If I was depressed, I was season six Buffy. If I was trying to work out my own teen years and problems in school, I was high school Buffy. My obsession with Buffy continued for a few years. Until one day, it didn't. Don't get me wrong, I still love the show. It will always be one of my favorites. But my world somewhere around 18 stopped revolving around the show and with each passing year, it slowly faded into the background.

Convention photo with Buffy the Vampire Slayer star, James Marsters, and my sister, Raishel

What changed? Me. My life. At 16, all I wanted was to escape into some fantasy world. Now, at 24, everything is so different. Back then, if I was given the choice to watch TV or go out, I would've gladly chosen TV (unless it was somehow Buffy related of course!). Now, given the choice, I would always choose spending time with my family or driving off on an adventure with my husband or working on some creative project.

It's ironic. At 16, I would've been the first person to defend why TV is amazing and necessary in life. In fact, I did so on many occasions with my parents. At 24, I understand it's entertainment value and to an extent, I still understand the lessons that a person can learn from a show. I mean, I did learn at six years old never to drink and drive thanks to Party of Five! It opens up conversations and it allows you to learn about different perspectives. However, shouldn't life do that? As a reformed TV addict, I now constantly wonder what good being obsessed with a TV show does. In the end, I feel like it can become more of a mask than anything else. Someone else's story that you use to hide behind when life gets tough.

I'm thankful for the people in my life, who without knowing it, helped me remove my mask and discover my passions and reclaim myself. Through some incredible life milestones, from getting married to moving to CA to opening our restaurant, I've learned that I don't want to escape my world, I want to embrace it. When things are complicated and I get scared of what's to come, I no longer turn to TV as my comforting friend. I turn to the people around me for guidance or support.

Our Wedding (September 3, 2011)

The truth is, no material thing in this world will ever define you. That's why our obsessions and interests change year after year. It's why something we loved one year may repulse us the next. Because truthfully, the only definition of you is what comes from inside. It's your thoughts, your feelings, your real world experiences. Everything else is just a mask. Don't get me wrong, it's okay to love these things and life wouldn't be life without having interests and hobbies, but the point is, it's also equally okay to wake up one day and feel differently. You should never let it define you because life changes and you're constantly evolving.

In the end, never lose sight of who you actually are at the core. Because that person is amazing and deserves to shine...and that is something a TV show (or any other obsession for that matter) will never provide.

Aroha Restaurant: This Valentine's Day...

As the weeks countdown, I am getting more and more excited for Valentine's Day at Aroha. It's strange because I'm normally such a traditionalist when it comes to the holidays, and I partially expect myself to feel bummed out that I don't get to have my own romantic dinner with my hubby. However, reservations are already filling up and I'm incredibly excited for our special menu.

Gwith has been working with his molecular gastronomy set that I bought him for Christmas to learn some cool new things to do like making foams and sugar-glass shells. I've been encouraging him to practice these methods in hopes that he can use some on the Valentine's Day menu.

Speaking of which, we will be releasing our full Valentine's Day menu tomorrow online! At the moment, our menu includes some delicious (and romantic) options including Oysters with a citrus foam and micro basil, and my personal favorite dessert option, Dark Chocolate Kiss incased with white chocolate mousse sprinkled with gold leaf and rose crystals. For those with allergies and dietary restrictions, you'll be happy to know that our pre-fix menu is 100% Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free Optional, and Vegetarian Optional as well. Each dish is also paired with a delectable New Zealand wine.

I'm going to start working on a romantic music playlist for that Saturday evening and I'm definitely brainstorming on decor ideas to make the restaurant even more romantic.

To finish off the evening, every guest will also receive a copy of my CD single, "Stepping Stone", the love song I wrote for Gwithyen before we married. The single will come with a small booklet telling our own personal Aroha story of how we met and fell in love. I am incredibly excited to share my music with everyone on this special day!

For those of you who won't be joining us for Valentine's Day, and would like to listen, please visit my music page or find me on iTunes. If you'd like to hear one of my more recent live recorded songs, listen below to "Hideaway".

If you haven't made a reservation yet for Valentine's Day and do plan on joining us, I highly suggest making a reservation now, as we're already 50% booked for the evening!

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30990 Russell Ranch Rd Unit C, Westlake Village, CA 91362
© 2014 Aroha Restaurant.

"Hideaway" - My Newest Song!

I've never been brave enough before to post my rough song recordings anywhere public (other than to my Facebook friends) but I figured it was about time I broke my fear.

For the past few months, the clouds in my head have finally parted and I've been able to write new songs again...and I've written quite a few lately. It also helps that I've been getting much better at the guitar!

My latest song, "Hideaway", is dedicated to my amazing husband, Gwith, who is with me even in our darkest hours and is always there to pull me through. I don't know where I would be in life without him and I am grateful every day to have him in my life.

"Hideaway" Lyrics:

My love for you grows stronger everyday
and when I'm with you, you take my breath away
If I just close my eyes
will we be dancing in the skies?
If we just fly away
We can sway for eternity, hey hey.

CHORUS
I wanna hide away with you tonight
I wanna let my heart feel free to fly
I wanna curl into your arms and know
that with you, there's no place I'd rather go.

The days go by and all I want is you.
You're my everything, you're with me through and through.
If we just find a cave, will we be snuggling through the night?
If we just misbehave, we just might be brave enough tonight!

CHORUS

You hold me close, we're blowing in the wind.
Oh, the water rose, we didn't seem to mind...
If you just brush my face
Will I be melting in your embrace?
If we just feel the tide,
we can sail worldwide.

CHORUS x2

That with you, there's no place I'd rather go. x2

Aroha Restaurant: Our Craziest Night Yet

I'm not going to lie - Saturday night was amazing in a lot of ways but today, I'm still feeling an endless amount of anxiety.

The truth is, nobody and nothing you do is ever perfect. And especially not on the first try. That night was definitely one of those examples. Things didn't run as smoothly as they normally do and service was slow, even though for us, it felt like a marathon was being run. First of all, our last "busy" night was in November, and we served around 65 people in 3.5 hours. Before that, we slowly built from serving 30 people on a Saturday night, to 40 people, to 50 people, etc. We still had a few hiccups with 65 people but in general, we had eased into it.  Suddenly once December hit, our Saturday nights slowed to a halt. Last week, we served 30 people for 3 hours. So imagine our surprise this Saturday when 85 people showed up in a 2.5 hour timeframe...

For the very first time since we opened, not a single table at the restaurant was empty. It was amazing to know so many people had suddenly decided to give us a try. Of course, I've been wishing repeatedly that we and our staff had expected it!

With only four people in the kitchen preparing three course meals for 85 people within a 2.5 hour time frame, I'm surprised a majority of the tables actually got served in a timely manner. I was even more surprised while making the rounds from table to table that one table actually got their main courses too early!

Luckily, for the most part, the guests were incredibly understanding. They know we're new, they see we're working hard, and they have amazing confidence that we will get our pacing down. Unfortunately, there's always a customer or two that you can't rectify the situation with no matter what...and it completely kills me.

For me, it doesn't matter that 81 of our 85 guests were happy and understanding. In the end, all I can think about are those four customers who left unhappy. Why? Because I truly want everyone to be happy. I want everyone to have the best experience possible and to know that we couldn't give it to them devastates me completely. To make matters worse, Yelp, always comes around to haunt you. Again, countless five star reviews but when that one one star review creeps up, it's heartbreaking every time. I wish I could say I'm sorry to them or turn the clock back to make things run differently. But truthfully, no matter what I wish I could've done, I'm pretty sure if I repeated the day, it all would have turned out the same. No matter what, we couldn't be everywhere at once and I can't continue to beat myself up for it.

Because that's the thing. When you're running your very first business at 23 and 26 years old, or any age for that matter, your going to mess up. You're going to have an off day. But how else are you ever going to make something successful in life? No one succeeds at anything in life without screwing up the first few times around, because honestly, that's the only way you learn.

The most hurtful thing to me is to have our work be chalked up to being a result of "amateur management". The hardest thing about being a young business owner is that all of our mistakes are considered a result of us being young and therefore incompetent. Yes, we're young. Yes, things did not go as planned. That's not amateur, that's just life. For a fresh new business, there's no way mistakes aren't going to ever be made. However, many restaurants have these problems after years of being open, with experienced managers over the age of 40. In the end, I feel proud because we're only four months in. In four months, we've dealt with so many challenges and have managed to arise to the occasion practically every single time. So we made a mistake. Who hasn't? In the end, all we can do is learn and grow from the experience. And for the last year, my husband and I have done exactly that.

For the rest of our time in this industry, and in life in general, we will continue to learn from our negative experiences and use them to our advantage.

So to those customers Saturday night who left unhappy and angry, I am sorry. We didn't intentionally fall behind in the kitchen and we didn't intentionally avoid apologizing to your table. We will however, continue to intentionally work to fix these problems so they do not happen again on our future busy nights.

My 2014 Wrap-Up

Have a Happy New Year Everyone!

This year has been one wild ride. If someone had asked me a year ago where I saw myself today, I guarantee I never would've imagined this.

It has not been an easy year. To be honest, it has probably been one of the most difficult years of my life thus far. I feel like I've been tested time and time again and some days it's been really hard to see whether I'm passing or failing. But if there's one thing I've learned throughout the year, it's that it doesn't matter. What matters is that you try. You give it all you've got. So many people let fear run their lives and it keeps them from experiencing everything this world has to offer. In the end, not trying is the biggest failure of all.

Last year, my grandfather passed away. While I've had other people I've known pass away, this was the first time it affected me as greatly as it did. When he and my mother-in-law both passed, a huge part of me shut down. Suddenly I realized how short life really was and I couldn't help but think about all of the people in my life right now who one day, won't be here. This feeling was so strong and caused me to push away from those I love dearly and dreams that I once had. After all, in my mind, why does it all matter if you can't trust that it will always be here?

In the past few weeks, I'm not sure how this realization finally came to me but it did. I realized how much it does matter. Doing things you dream to do and being with the people you love matters. It's the reason why just weeks before my grandpa died, he looked at an album of his life and said, "I really did have a wonderful life." I realize now that when he passed away, there was no fear. There was no regret. He passed away with a smile on his face knowing that in the almost 89 years he was given, he succeeded. He had a million stories, a family he loved with all of his heart, and a lifetime of memories. The good, the bad. It doesn't matter. In the end, it's all just one long story. So where does it lead? What is it all for? I guess those are just two of life's many unsolved mysteries. We don't know and we probably never will. But if everything in life leads somewhere, than maybe death isn't an end. Maybe it's a new beginning that we just can't see.

This year, I've gone through so much change. I feel like I've been spending months battling where I am in life. Am I enough of an adult or am I too adult? I'm 23 years old and I feel like I've been having a far too soon mid-life crisis. The truth is, there is no timetable on who you are or where you are. You just are. Some days, I want to feel like a kid. I want to talk for my stuffed animals, watch "The Little Mermaid", and daydream about my future. Other days, I want to feel like a teenager again. I want to walk around in my shorts and crop top, film a wacky video, and play The Sims. And then other days, I want to feel like my "grown up" self. I want to dress in my fancy clothes, manage my business, organize the house, and run errands with my husband. I don't know if this is what being 23 is all about for everyone. But for me, this is where I am in life. I'm a little bit of everything and maybe that's okay, because maybe, I'm supposed to be. In the end, this is me.

The conclusion I've come to as this year wraps up, is that it's time to stop running. I'm an adult, I'm a kid, it doesn't matter. I am who I am and I'll continue to grow and change. At the end of the day, I think adulthood is just about accepting responsibility and allowing yourself to grow. We spend all of our childhood and teen years fighting adults because we think they're holding us back from growing up. And yet, when it's time to truly become an adult, the only person holding us back is ourselves. It's a scary world. No one's ever going to argue with that. But at some point, we just each have to take that leap and allow ourselves to experience whatever the future may hold. Because in the end, not experiencing it is far more terrifying than anything else.

Every year since 2005 on December 31st, I've filled out a recap of the year. My recaps include everything from fun facts like my favorite TV show and how we spent the holidays to heartbreaking moments and greatest memories. My favorite part, is that every year I fill out a prediction titled "Next year will be the year of...". I never look at my recaps or predictions again until the year comes to a close the following December.

Here's what I wrote on December 31st 2013:

"Next year will be the year of...accepting adulthood, moving forward, and becoming a stronger woman."

It took me almost exactly a year to get there, but somehow, through all the struggles, the tears, and the doubt, without even realizing it, I did.

If I had looked at that prediction three weeks ago, I would've looked down, closed my eyes, and wished that it were true, but I would've known that it wasn't. It's weird how the heart and mind heals when you least expect it to. I don't know how or even when it happened. But just like everything else in life, it just did.

In almost every way, this year was full of the unexpected. Yet somehow, in almost exactly a year, I got to exactly where I wanted to be.