Ok. I've been having a lot of fun writing about my songs, don't get me wrong, but I have been eagerly awaiting writing about this one.
Worst Date Ever.
I'm sure most of you have had one of those awful, awful dates where you pretty much would do anything to escape it. This song, is a compilation of two of my worst dates ever. I was on a roll the summer I was 18. There are a few more I could talk about but I'll save those for another time!
Date #1
Let's call this guy George, ok? George worked valet at a local restaurant (keep that in mind that he moves cars and opens doors for a living). When he picked me up from my house, he picked me up in one of those trucks with giant wheels that lift the car way off the ground.
I'd like to mention here that I'm only 5 foot. So, I come out to the car and he stays in the driver's seat! I tried to open the door from my miniature level and as I'm trying to open it (and failing miserably), he says to me, "Oh. That door is a little sticky. You'll get it." What a gentleman. Eventually, I did get it. Of course, looking back, I should've taken that as my cue to say "See ya" and head back inside the house.
We headed to the arcade to play some games before dinner and a movie. I want to point out that even though I normally am not very good at pool, I kick ass on a bad date. Like, really kick ass. I guess it's my way of figuring out some way to have a good time! On this date, I made one of those shots where I put the cue behind my back and sat up on the edge of the table. It was awesome....ANYWAYS, back to the date. Every time I made a joke, this guy laughed in the falsest way imaginable. Literally. He'd throw his head back, put his hand on his chest and say: "Hah. Hah. Hah. Hah."
After we played the game, he turned to me and said:
George: "You ready to go to the movie?"
My thoughts: Um. What? I thought we were having dinner. You said we were having dinner!!!
George: "Oh. You wanted to eat?"
My thoughts: Ahhhh!! Now I'm miserable and hungry?? This is no good.
So, I convinced him to stop at the nearby sushi restaurant so I could pick up some food. Of course, when we arrived, and as we were still sitting in his car, he said, "I'll drop you off. I need to go have a smoke." Oh, lovely. First of all, I'm not into smokers. Secondly, he's dropping me off to eat while he can go smoke? Again, what a gentleman. I go into the restaurant and pick up my salad. Since we were in a hurry, I figured there wasn't time for anything else. After I pay for it, I stepped outside to meet him and head to the movie. But big surprise! He wasn't there. I looked around, very briefly for him, and then decided there was really no point to looking any further. So, I sat down at the table outside, in the lovely 20ยบ degree Colorado weather (Brrrrr), and ate my salad while listening to music on my phone. I can honestly say, this was the best moment of the entire date. I was freezing, my hands were going numb, but George wasn't around. By the time he arrived, 20 minutes later, he sat down and said: "Aren't you cold?" This was my proudest moment on this date. I turned to him, with numb hands, and said "No. I'm fine." After all, I was already numb and he was just starting to shiver! Needless to say, I made him sit out there with me for 15 more minutes so he would freeze.
Once we arrived at the movie theater to see Saw 5, he bought himself popcorn and a slushie. Nothing for me. We got into the theater and sat down. I really hope this guy didn't expect me to cuddle him. First of all, I mostly find horror films ridiculous and amusing. I watch for the special effects. Second of all, this guy? There was no way I was going to even lean near him. So, I sat in my chair and intentionally leaned the opposite direction. Part way through the movie, as a huge Buffy fan, I suddenly thought: "Wait! Isn't that Julie Benz?" So, I did what any normal person wouldn't do and got up, left the theater, and walked around the main room, looking at IMDB on my phone. When I discovered it was in fact her, I decided to go back in and at least watch the movie as a big Buffy geek. After the movie, he brought me home, dropped me off, and I practically ran to the door.
It's hard to believe that was only ONE of the inspirations for this song.
Here is
Date #2:
Let's call this guy Steve. Steve was a waiter. Of course, while we were in the car on the way to mini golf, I asked him what he dreams of doing. It seemed like a normal question. His response: "I really want to lift boxes for UPS. But there's a lot of training that goes into it so I don't think I'm going to do that." Huh. I have nothing against people who want to take those kinds of jobs. The world needs people who do that, obviously. But, his drive to do it wasn't all that inspiring.
When we arrived at mini golf (which I paid for!), this was literally the fastest game I ever played. There was no conversation, at all. Once we finished, 15 minutes later, Steve turned to me and said: "So (nod nod, wink wink). What do you want to do now?" Ummm...not that. Being polite though and realizing the sun hadn't even gone down yet, I said, "There's an arcade nearby. We could go there." He disappointedly said, "Ok." When we arrived at the arcade, we went to play one of the machines. As we stood at the game, he turned to me and said, "Can you pay for this?" It was one dollar. Talk about a cheap date. So, I paid. I had to entertain myself somehow! Of course, since he had no money, he made sure we quickly went back to the car to figure out what else to do. This is the part where I felt a bit like a mother trying to talk to their child:
Steve: "(Nod, nod, wink wink). What do you want to do now?"
Me: "Do you want to go walk around the mall?" Window shopping doesn't cost a thing.
Steve: "No. I work near there so I see it every day."
Me: "...Okay. Are you hungry?"
Steve: "No. Not really."
Me: "...Okay..."
Steve: "So, (nod nod, wink wink), what do you want to do now?"
Me: "You know, I have some money. Why don't we go back in the arcade and play a game of pool?"
Steve: "Oh...okay."
When we got back in to play pool, he turned to me at the beginning of the game and said, "If I win this game, I get to kiss you." Ha ha (enter George laugh here)! Yeah, right. As I said when I talked about the last date, I kick ass at pool when I'm on an awful date. So of course, I won, and he missed out on his delusional chances.
As we left the arcade and the sun was just starting to set, I turned to him and said, "You know. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow so I should head home." He was disappointed but agreed to take me home. Once we were in his car and driving, he turned to me and said: "It's a shame I don't have my own place yet. Otherwise we could go back and watch a movie." Oh, darn. Bummer. Wait. No. YAY!!!! He's run out of options. Woohoo!! Or so I think... As we're driving back to my house, this lovely conversation begins:
Steve: "So. What did you think of me?"
Me: "Ummm..." I'm so polite. "You're nice. I just don't think we have a lot in common."
Steve: "So...how would you rate this date?"
Me: "Uh...."
Steve: "Would you go out with me again?"
Me: "Uh...you know, I'm really busy with work right now."
Steve: "Oh. Okay. Well maybe I can swing by later tonight and pick you up. There's this pool near my house. We could hop the fence."
Me: "Uh...I'm really tired."
Luckily, we just arrived back at my house. He tried to kiss me goodnight but again, I darted out of the car and into the house.
To all the women out there: What are guys thinking? I hope these guys grew up A LOT and have since learned the error of their ways.
So, that's the inspiration for my song, "Worst Date Ever". Be sure to listen to the track. It will be available on iTunes, along with the rest of my CD "Stepping Stone", on July 15th!
