Bringing in the New Year with One More On the Way!

Happy New Year everyone! And can I just say, thank god it's finally 2019. Not that 2018 was a terrible year. It's just that with my pregnancy brain, I've been signing every paper and check I write with 2019 this past month and my poor husband had to keep correcting me. Whoops!

Last year was quite a year for us. 80% of it is a complete blur to be honest but the truth is, I left the year feeling like our lives are finally heading onto the right path. We experienced some big changes, especially in the latter part of the year when we made the decision after the Woolsey Fire to close our restaurant. It was not an easy decision by any means, but a necessary one. Both financially and mentally. The fires and evacuations made it financially impossible for us to reopen, but at the end of the day, having a mental break from the stress of running a business has truly been a breath of fresh air. I feel like after years of holding my breath, I have finally been able to breath again. My writer's block also feels lifted suddenly. I'm finally writing songs again and I sat down to write this blog which I haven't done in such a long time.

Life post restaurant has involved my husband for the very first time since I've known him, working a 9-5 job, and I must say, having him home every single night to play with our son is the highlight of my day; even if right now I have to escape upstairs at 5pm every night to avoid gagging from the smell of food in the house. Yay pregnancy. However, I get to hear the endless giggles coming from downstairs and enjoy the perks of them playing "Ghost" before bedtime. Bailey runs into our room screaming "Daddy Ghost!! Daddy Ghost!!" and Gwith makes spooky "oooooo" sounds from down the hall. Bailey cuddles me as tightly as possible as he pretends to be terrified of "Daddy Ghost". It's the cutest game and it's my favorite way to end the day.

Now onto the details about these past few months of pregnancy because after holding it in for three months, I'm just dying to share!

Last year we were in New Zealand when I found out the wonderful news I was pregnant with our second baby. I waited the entire day to tell Gwith the news (which was such a struggle since I hate holding in secrets! Plus Gwith was asking me for days prior if I had taken the test yet!), but that evening, we took Bailey to dinner at Kabuki, the restaurant Gwith and I first met at. When we sat down, I made a toast. I said to Gwith, "To Kabuki. If it weren't for this restaurant, there wouldn't be four of us sitting here today." Gwith looked at me like I was severely confused and said, "No...three." I smiled at him and said, "No, four." The smile that came across his face was wonderful as he realized what I was telling him.

Family Dinner at Kabuki in Stamford Plaza, Auckland

It was impossible to keep it a secret from Gwith's family in New Zealand, as I had already begun having cravings and aversions. The worst craving I had was for bubble gum. You might be wondering why that was the worst craving. I'll tell you. Apparently they don't sell bubble gum in New Zealand...except for the American store that we had to drive out to just to satisfy my craving! Gwith kept getting brand after brand of "bubble" gum, but none of them were bubble gum flavored. They just made bubbles. Obviously, I wasn't having any of that. Unfortunately, my bubble gum craving was also the door to announcing I was pregnant to my brother-in-law's sister. After a family barbecue, she came over to the car to give me a hug goodbye and saw about 15 different types of gum stashed on the side. Either I came clean about my pregnancy or I would've forever been the weird woman with the biggest gum addiction known to mankind. Of course, my first response when she asked about the gum was to sound like a gum addict who needed to go to Gumaholics Anonymous: "Yeah...you know...I just really like gum..." Awkward silence. I couldn't last more than two seconds before spilling the beans after that. There was really no going back. Over the rest of the trip, and since we've been home, if we saw friends or family, we had to tell them I was pregnant. My food aversions were already so strong that it was impossible to hide!

About a month later, after my first doctor's appointment, we told Bailey the news! He yelled out a big "Yayyyyy!!!" and jumped up and down with excitement. Now, every single night he cuddles and kisses my belly and says "I love you baby. Goodnight baby." Even better, I felt the baby's first flutters a few days ago right after Bailey said goodnight to my belly. A mother couldn't ask for more. It's amazing to see the bond he already has with the baby and I'm so excited for him to meet his new sibling this July. He told our friend Sarah that he wants a sister...so I guess time will tell!

Big Brother Bailey is Getting Promoted July '19!

Pregnancy with a toddler around is definitely a different experience than my first pregnancy was. Bailey has been a real champ most days letting me rest (or he's just enjoying his endless Curious George marathon and milking it for all that its worth...). Gwith has been a complete lifesaver and to be perfectly honest, I don't know how Bailey would've been fed if Gwith was still at the restaurant every evening! By night time, my sense of smell is so bad that everything makes me sick and I can't be near any food...which means, Gwith has been preparing Bailey's dinners every single night. The first trimester is coming to a close and I thankfully feel the tide turning, albeit slowly. I finally ate out for lunch yesterday and had an actual meal! Hopefully soon I'll be able to smell food again inside the house so Gwith won't have to keep leaving just to eat dinner. I feel so bad. I've forbid him from eating in the house, sleeping in our bed (yes, his breath even with minty fresh toothpaste breath was grossing me out! Sorry babe!), and using most of the bathrooms in our house. Seriously, my husband is my hero for putting up with me these past few months. It has been a real treat. He finally got to sleep in our bed again last night though so I'm excited that while we didn't kiss at midnight since we were both fast asleep, we did finally share a bed again without me gagging! This year is already starting out great, huh? Unfortunately, I have developed an aversion to the word kitchen and even looking in the direction of our kitchen. And no, this isn't the same as my usual aversion to cooking in there! I'm praying that this aversion goes away very soon because I really can't keep avoiding looking in that direction of the house. Plus, I know Gwith misses cooking already and would love to mess around with some recipes and work on his plans to write a cookbook!

I do feel like this baby is my food soulmate though. Cravings so far have included all of my old favorites including fruit roll ups (which my mom craved when pregnant with me!), strawberry cheesecake, caramel apples, meringues, and cheese dipped in honey. If I could design my dream dessert platter when I'm not pregnant, that would pretty much be it (minus my childhood favorite, fruit roll ups--I don't really need those on my platter as an adult!). Throw on some S'mores and I'd be set. Sadly this baby does seem to hate the thought of chocolate so far so S'more might be where our differences begin.

Happy Holidays from Our Growing Family!

I will be curious to see what this baby's personality and tastes are. Bailey is pretty true to my cravings and aversions. Most of the foods I craved with him are his favorite foods. He likes a variety of music and during my pregnancy with him, I didn't mind listening to most music. This baby is very offended by Gwith's rap music and I actually get nauseous when I hear it! It's a big Taylor Swift fan though, so my music library has been getting lots of play! I also got very nauseous from the smell of paint with Bailey and other then typical nesting feelings, I didn't feel too artsy throughout that pregnancy...and Bailey is definitely not the artsy type, at least not at 3! This time around, I'm pulling out the paint brushes and painting boxes for Bailey! It's like something in side of me is craving arts and crafts. It could be a coincidence because my stress levels are down since closing the restaurant (and I've always loved arts and crafts!), or it could be this baby is already craving the arts. Either way, Gwith may get lucky and I may actually help him paint the nursery this time around!

I'm excited for what 2019 has in store for us! Lots of adventures, much needed family time, and a whole new person entering our lives this July! I hope I can finally get back into blogging more frequently again...at least until July rolls around! With Bailey starting pre-school in one week, I'll finally have two mornings a week free for some quality me time! I'm sure the first few weeks, I'll be frantically trying to cram in everything I've wanted to do for so long, which will result in absolutely none of it getting done! From picking favorite photos from the last two years for an album, editing Bailey's videos, writing songs, writing blogs...or just playing a computer game and zoning out the world for a few hours! It's going to be a hard choice! Or I'll just be sitting on the floor, pregnant and hormonal, crying over my little boy being off to pre-school for the very first time. I'm guessing that will be the most likely scenario. Wish me luck! :)

I also sincerely hope this blog was coherent and not just a big pregnancy-brain ramble!

The Skinny Pregnancy

I've gone back and forth on whether to write a blog about this because it's such a sensitive subject for me, but at the end of the day, I'm hoping I can help someone else just like me because I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Let me start by saying that I've never had any eating disorders (just a lot of allergies!) and my body has always had a super fast metabolism that just can't be tamed. Since I've been an adult, I've been a primarily healthy eater and ate fish, fruits, and vegetables regularly, as well as took my daily gummy multi-vitamin. I'm allergic to gluten and dairy and my body has always had issues if I eat too much meat. I'm a light eater with a sensitive stomach and I've always done better with smaller portion sizes throughout the day (or drawn-out multiple course meals) rather than three big meals. It's always been challenging but over the years, I've managed to figure out foods that work for me...and my brilliant chef husband always finds ways to slip me extra calories with loads of olive oil and other hidden ingredients in my dishes.

June 2013 at 85 lbs

I'm 5'0 and never weighed more than 85 lbs in my life, not for lack of trying! Back in August 2013, however, I ended up with food poisoning and a stomach parasite that led to me being unable to stomach food for about five months. During this time, I dropped to 75 lbs and I was scared out of my mind. I woke up nightly panicking about my low weight and what all of the BMI information said online. I felt awful, had dizzy spells regularly, and was worried that my body was failing me.

December 2013, with my hubby and sister while I was ill at 75 lbs

However, after a round with antibiotics in January of 2014, I began to eat normally again. Of course, even so, my body, which took about four years to get from 78 lbs to 85 lbs (thanks to my chef hubby!), wasn't jumping up in weight at all. No matter what I ate, I still remained at 75 lbs. The most unhealthy part of this weight for me wasn't the weight itself in the end, it was the mindset I put myself in. Online articles would say how unhealthy my weight was and people would look at me stunned if I told them. I convinced myself I was unhealthy, despite the fact that I was now eating three healthy meals a day, with snacks in between, and on any day I didn't think about it, I felt fine. I looked thin but I didn't look frail anymore and I wasn't malnourished. I was the same weight I was when I was sick, but my body was now getting the nutrition it needed and felt fine...One of the worst parts of searching online for information was reading that women with such low BMI's can have trouble having children.

My hubby and I, at 75 lbs and healthy again, during Thanksgiving 2014

This year, I learned that BMI and health are all relative and being naturally "underweight" doesn't matter if you're taking care of yourself and getting the nutrition your body needs.

In February, my husband and I found out we were going to being having our very first child! We were instantly over the moon with excitement. Within days, I began looking up online everything I needed to do and what to expect during my pregnancy. Unfortunately, my google searching led me to all the data I longed to avoid reading - the dangers of having a low BMI during pregnancy. The thing that all of these sites leave out is that a seriously low BMI with a body you take care of and is just naturally low is vastly different than a malnourished body. First I read that having a BMI as low as mine meant trouble conceiving because your body is apparently too unhealthy. This was definitely untrue in my case. Then the articles continued with information that scared me for months. Supposedly, my chances of miscarriage were enormous or at the very least, I was destined to have a micro-premie or premie baby.

During my morning sickness, I dropped to 72 lbs and panicked daily about how I was going to gain the necessary weight this pregnancy. After all, my weight was already so "dangerously low" and now I couldn't eat again. After the first trimester passed, I began getting plenty of food cravings and eating. Still, I eat in what I call "Justine size" portions. Other people might think it was a small amount of food for a pregnant lady but I felt pretty stuffed after my meals. Over time, I started to gain weight and as the months passed, I realized all of the problems I read I'd have, weren't actually happening. In fact, as my parents and husband love to say, I was a textbook pregnancy! Every symptom I had fell in line with exactly when it was supposed to happen according to the books! When I finally found a doctor after months of searching, I went into my first appointment at 80 lbs. I was again terrified that I'd go into the doctor's office and be belittled about my weight. To my surprise, she never mentioned a thing. I looked healthy, I felt healthy, and the baby was growing fine.

This weekend, at 38 weeks and 6 days (at my final weight of 92 lbs), I gave birth to a healthy 5 lbs 14 oz baby boy. I didn't gain 40 lbs as the pregnancy websites suggest for "underweight" women but I feel and felt fantastic (other than every normal pregnancy symptom in the book and now postpartum soreness!), my baby grew perfectly well, and I feel like I'm starting this new chapter of my life with an entirely new outlook on myself and my health. What you weigh is all relative and has no true representation of how healthy your body is. How you take care of your body is what matters and don't let anyone tell you different. The key to health isn't the number on the scale, it's having a healthy mindset and taking care of yourself.

Baby Belly at 34.5 weeks, and 90 lbs!

When I first became pregnant, I searched and searched for an article about someone who was super skinny during their pregnancy and had a healthy outcome. All I found were the horror stories. I really hope now that I've written this, that anyone in a similar situation to me can now find a story that makes them feel good about themselves, their body, and their pregnancy. At the end of the day, all those articles taught me was that an unhealthy body can't cope with pregnancy. And that's how I now know...my body is perfectly healthy. :)